A little over a year ago (so sometime during my senior year of high school) one of my very best friends and orchestra mates left school, left town, and virtually disappeared. I didn't know he was leaving, I don't think anyone was really aware that he was going. One day he was there, happy, playing his viola, enjoying being a junior in high school. The next he was sad, clearly something was wrong. He talked about leaving. And then he was gone.
We didn't talk much. When we did talk, we used the medium of aim. I didn't see him in over a year though. He moved to Boston and unfortunately we couldn't coordinate a time/place to meet.
I talked to him tonight, on aim, for the first time in a while.
There are a lot of things I didn't know, that never even occurred to me.
He was kicked out of his house by his mother. Not just the typical teenage bull. No, his mother made him leave because he is bisexual, and she "hated" him for it.
He had to leave his little home town, suburbia USA and his wee little high school to conquer the big scary world all by himself.
He moved in with his boyfriend in Boston, whom he had met and dated since 2006, unbeknownst to most people. He got a job, signed up for and began attending an urban public school. He became vice president of his senior class and started two new clubs at the school. He got a job in a urban retail store and met a whole new variety of people than the kind you meet in small town USA. He loves his boyfriend, and it's clear that his boyfriend loves him too.
He's back in town now, after graduating from high school (as a member of National Honor Society, no less), being accepted to Boston University and most importantly reconciling with his mother. She realized, after a long enough time, that he is her son and that his happiness is of the uptmost. Isolating him from her will only be detrimental to her in the long run. I'm glad she realized that.
I am sad, and probably will be eternally sad, that he didn't tell me sooner. I would have been there. My mother who knows and loves him would have been there. Our mutual friends would have been there. We would have opened our doors to him in a heartbeat. Of course he has a place in my home, all he would have had to do is ask. Thankfully he made the most of this unfortunate situation, and he has become a stronger and better person for it. He has no hard feelings, he holds no grudge. He is living life to the fullest and enjoying ever second of it.
I could not be more proud of him, more overjoyed for him and his accomplishments. I'm sorry I couldn't have been there for him. I would, had I known.
It's why coming out it so important, and terrifying.
It's just terribly confusing and upsetting. I wish parents could just love their children no matter what. Embrace them no matter what they do, no matter who they are. Loving someone of the same gender is not the same as being an axe murderer or getting straight F's or coming home pregnant. We love someone. Be glad that we love at all.
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