Monday, October 18, 2010

Finding Love and Acceptance

The coming out process is often very difficult for the individual identifying as GLBT or Q. Sometimes (and in fact, more often than not) it is also difficult for that individual's family and friends. I have been blessed with family and friends who could not care less, and who truly desire only that I be happy. Many people, when coming out, hear family members or friends say that they only want their happiness, but in the end if they cannot conform to their family/friends' picture of their happiness, they become unhappy (or at the very worst, insane trying to conform).

It is a struggle to accept who one is, particularly if one does not fit the bill for the "normal" person (obviously depending upon one's culture, gender, upbringing, etc.) That struggle is only compounded when one can't truly be oneself around the most important people, or when family or friends are perpetually of the belief that in time, one can change. Sexuality is fluid, but not so fluid as to completely alter one's mindset.

What I'm trying desperately to say is that, if you have ever come out, you know how terrifying it can be. You know how lonely is can feel, even though so many people have done it before you and so many will follow. If you haven't come out, or you are struggling, don't isolate yourself from the people around you. They love you and they want the best for you. If at the end of the day they don't make you feel good about yourself, let them know. If they make you outright feel bad about yourself, cut them out of your life as best you can, and make sure they are aware that they are loosing you, you are not loosing them.

The phrase "all you need is love" is only partially true, and perhaps misleading. We all need love, yes, but we also need to love ourselves. If you don't love yourself you cannot POSSIBLY love anyone else, and if you don't respect yourself you cannot respect anyone else. Certainly love and respect come from within, but they are taught from without, and a great deal of learning is necessary when one sees the lack of love and respect in one's life. If you have no love in your life, find it, and find it within yourself before you go looking for it with someone else. We are all very good at something or another, and when you find what it is, cling to it with iron talons.

I'm so grateful to the people who love me, and I know if I told them that they would be glad to hear me say it, but also sad that it is necessary to be thankful for love and acceptance when both of those things should be given freely. I hope that everyone who is struggling to accept themselves can come to find love, acceptance and peace with themselves.