I just remembered something hilarious that happened the other day.
Thursday night, we just got back from Boston and we had to take a wicked piss so we ran into the main building to go to the basement bathroom (the most centrally located bathroom on campus).
My friend goes "Rachel, I don't want you to listen to me pee so sing or do something like that."
So I start singing the first song that comes to my mind.
"I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself."
I'm totally going to town with this song, belting it out obnoxiously loud and quite out of tune. But it's all in good fun.
It was going for midnight so I figured no one would be around, except possibly campus police, but they're used to my antics by now.
When I finish "singing" (if it can even be called that) there was silence for a minute.
"Uhm... Rachel... there's something in the bathroom with us."
I was so horrified, and in a fit of giggles.
So I leave the bathroom and find a hiding place down the hall to scope out who the mystery person was who heard my obscene song.
It was a sister. Not like "oh hey that's my sister." I'm talking about the married to God kind of sister.
I'm still mortified, and we're still laughing about it.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Somewhere Between Nothing and Everything
Lacrosse yesterday was so awesome, and soooooo needed. It's the first time I've played since June, but I picked it back up right away. We had a scrimmage going, played keep away, laughed a lot. It felt so good to be around the team again, and to meet two of the new girls who are playing. Two freshmen girls showed up, and they are REALLY good and so sweet. We're a very... open team, which will take some getting used to for them (it would take some getting used to for anyone), particularly because it's only their second week of college, but they'll like us. One of them saw me at dinner afterwards yesterday and waved, it was so cute. So I guess despite my initial feelings on the matter, the freshmen are alright. We were just soooo much cooler when we were freshmen, it's hard to follow perfection.
A lot has been going on lately, besides lacrosse which will soon enough consume my life. I went into the city a few days ago to visit my friend's friends, and it was nice. Northeastern is huge, and I swear I saw someone from my high school smoking on a stoop.
I bought my last pack of cigarettes in Ptown over the summer for something close to $7. The fact that I would pay that kind of money for cigarettes alarmed me, and I haven't bought them since. I had my last cigarette on move in day (September 1). I miss smoking, but I don't miss how expensive it was or how I couldn't run a mile without feeling like I was going to die. I don't miss how the smell lingers on your clothes and in your hair. I don't miss that sick feeling you get when you go hours without a cigarette and it's all you can think about.
I have developed a pretty bad cough since coming back to school, that I think needs to be checked out by health services. In any event, being around a bunch of people is not good for your health.
When I was in the city I saw a chipmunk. It was dark and I saw something frolick into the bushes and, because I live in suburbia, I figured it was a chipmunk, so I was like "awww it's so cute." My friend goes "Rachel... that's a sewer rat." Needless to say, I need to get out more. I've never seen a rat outside of a cage before.
I'm going to Tegan and Sara in a few weeks (October 4) in Worcester and I can't even wait. It's going to be an awesome concert, probably nowhere near as good as Celine Dion (I say probably knowing that it will be absolutely nowhere near Celine) but it will still be a lot of fun.
Then the following week is Canadian Thanksgiving and I'm going to St. John's Newfoundland to visit my uncle Paul and stay there for the long weekend. There is no place in the world where I would rather be at any given point in time than in Newfoundland. It's so beautiful, so perfect. And Paul is the best cook I know, which will make this trip all the better (considering that at school I'm lucky if I eat twice a day and going hungry isn't uncommon).
The food at my school SUCKS. Not only is it just plain bad, but I can't eat most of it. I was a vegetarian until Lent last year (I gave up vegetarianism for Lent, beat the system) and I haven't eaten red meat since... well for a very long time. I refuse to eat cows, pigs, goats, or bottom dwellers (like crabs or scallops). I eat chicken and fish and everything else that wasn't once a living breathing thing. The people who cater our meals can't cook, have absolutely no variety to what they offer, and aren't at all interested in making sure their vegetarian/non-standard customers are taken care of. You can only eat tofu so much before you actually become a tofu. And a slice of pizza for dinner, every night of the week, is not okay.
I very much look forward to eating real food when I go home for MOLLY'S BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEKEND. I miss my friends from home, but things are weird this year.
Last year we at least attempted to stay in touch, and I realize it's only been about two weeks but I've spoken to my best friend once, and my other best friends hardly at all. I love my friends at school, but they're different then my friends at home. We can just be hanging out doing nothing for hours and hours, just enjoying each others company at home. Here something has to be going on, we can't just hang out or sit in the same room and go conversationless.
I'm going to a party tonight and I'm dd, which never works out, so we'll see how that goes. I'll be safe and make good decisions (don't worry Molly).
My mom just told me that my roses and my tomatoes are doing wonderfully and she's already brought two of the tomatoes in to the house. I wish I was there to see it. I slaved all summer over the tomatoes and my roses and I'm not getting to see this. Arrrg it's very frustrating.
Per usual I have too much going on in my brain right now to write an interesting blog. I need some inspiration.
A lot has been going on lately, besides lacrosse which will soon enough consume my life. I went into the city a few days ago to visit my friend's friends, and it was nice. Northeastern is huge, and I swear I saw someone from my high school smoking on a stoop.
I bought my last pack of cigarettes in Ptown over the summer for something close to $7. The fact that I would pay that kind of money for cigarettes alarmed me, and I haven't bought them since. I had my last cigarette on move in day (September 1). I miss smoking, but I don't miss how expensive it was or how I couldn't run a mile without feeling like I was going to die. I don't miss how the smell lingers on your clothes and in your hair. I don't miss that sick feeling you get when you go hours without a cigarette and it's all you can think about.
I have developed a pretty bad cough since coming back to school, that I think needs to be checked out by health services. In any event, being around a bunch of people is not good for your health.
When I was in the city I saw a chipmunk. It was dark and I saw something frolick into the bushes and, because I live in suburbia, I figured it was a chipmunk, so I was like "awww it's so cute." My friend goes "Rachel... that's a sewer rat." Needless to say, I need to get out more. I've never seen a rat outside of a cage before.
I'm going to Tegan and Sara in a few weeks (October 4) in Worcester and I can't even wait. It's going to be an awesome concert, probably nowhere near as good as Celine Dion (I say probably knowing that it will be absolutely nowhere near Celine) but it will still be a lot of fun.
Then the following week is Canadian Thanksgiving and I'm going to St. John's Newfoundland to visit my uncle Paul and stay there for the long weekend. There is no place in the world where I would rather be at any given point in time than in Newfoundland. It's so beautiful, so perfect. And Paul is the best cook I know, which will make this trip all the better (considering that at school I'm lucky if I eat twice a day and going hungry isn't uncommon).
The food at my school SUCKS. Not only is it just plain bad, but I can't eat most of it. I was a vegetarian until Lent last year (I gave up vegetarianism for Lent, beat the system) and I haven't eaten red meat since... well for a very long time. I refuse to eat cows, pigs, goats, or bottom dwellers (like crabs or scallops). I eat chicken and fish and everything else that wasn't once a living breathing thing. The people who cater our meals can't cook, have absolutely no variety to what they offer, and aren't at all interested in making sure their vegetarian/non-standard customers are taken care of. You can only eat tofu so much before you actually become a tofu. And a slice of pizza for dinner, every night of the week, is not okay.
I very much look forward to eating real food when I go home for MOLLY'S BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEKEND. I miss my friends from home, but things are weird this year.
Last year we at least attempted to stay in touch, and I realize it's only been about two weeks but I've spoken to my best friend once, and my other best friends hardly at all. I love my friends at school, but they're different then my friends at home. We can just be hanging out doing nothing for hours and hours, just enjoying each others company at home. Here something has to be going on, we can't just hang out or sit in the same room and go conversationless.
I'm going to a party tonight and I'm dd, which never works out, so we'll see how that goes. I'll be safe and make good decisions (don't worry Molly).
My mom just told me that my roses and my tomatoes are doing wonderfully and she's already brought two of the tomatoes in to the house. I wish I was there to see it. I slaved all summer over the tomatoes and my roses and I'm not getting to see this. Arrrg it's very frustrating.
Per usual I have too much going on in my brain right now to write an interesting blog. I need some inspiration.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Wednesday Blahs
I have class in like... an hour, and I feel so sick that I would much rather lay in bed all day than be in classes until 3:15.
I really want people to stop feeling sorry for themselves. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself every now and then, because from time to time there is REASON to feel sorry for yourself. I can name any number of instances where I was guilty of pitying myself, probably within the last 24 hours.
I just don't understand why some people feel the need to broadcast their feelings of inadequacy, their unhappiness, illness, etc. If someone walked up to me and said, "I'm pretty upset Rach, it turns out I have cancer," I would feel sorry for them, but more than that I would work with them as a person, as my friend, to try to get them to a point where they could live life and not feel sorry for themselves. Does that make any sense or am I just rambling?
I guess my point is, it's unfortunate that you have to get your wisdom teeth out and you're in pain, or that your body is sore from going to the gym, or that you have to work at an ungodly hour, etc. etc. But watch the news, read a book, go outside. There are so many more productive things one could do besides complaining about one's life.
It's so bothersome to me that people can't just live and enjoy life, something always has to be really bad or really good. Life is about enjoying everything: the happiness, the sadness, the stomach aches, the sleepless nights, the poetry, the flowers, everything. Just appreciate everything because experiencing something, anything, is so precious and so human.
I really want people to stop feeling sorry for themselves. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself every now and then, because from time to time there is REASON to feel sorry for yourself. I can name any number of instances where I was guilty of pitying myself, probably within the last 24 hours.
I just don't understand why some people feel the need to broadcast their feelings of inadequacy, their unhappiness, illness, etc. If someone walked up to me and said, "I'm pretty upset Rach, it turns out I have cancer," I would feel sorry for them, but more than that I would work with them as a person, as my friend, to try to get them to a point where they could live life and not feel sorry for themselves. Does that make any sense or am I just rambling?
I guess my point is, it's unfortunate that you have to get your wisdom teeth out and you're in pain, or that your body is sore from going to the gym, or that you have to work at an ungodly hour, etc. etc. But watch the news, read a book, go outside. There are so many more productive things one could do besides complaining about one's life.
It's so bothersome to me that people can't just live and enjoy life, something always has to be really bad or really good. Life is about enjoying everything: the happiness, the sadness, the stomach aches, the sleepless nights, the poetry, the flowers, everything. Just appreciate everything because experiencing something, anything, is so precious and so human.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Celestial Choir
I swear I'm reading, but for serious this quote is amazing:
"The goddess comes, she moves divinely fair,
Olive and laurel bind her golden hair:
Wherever shines this native of the skies,
Unnumber'd charms and recent graces rise."
- To His Excellency General Washington, Phillis Wheatley
No more distracting myself. Back to the books.
"The goddess comes, she moves divinely fair,
Olive and laurel bind her golden hair:
Wherever shines this native of the skies,
Unnumber'd charms and recent graces rise."
- To His Excellency General Washington, Phillis Wheatley
No more distracting myself. Back to the books.
Bette Davis
I met my lacrosse coach today, and he's actually a really nice guy. We had a table at the "club fair" aka mosey through if you want, and be rude to the people who are whoring their clubs to you, but it was actually fun. We got a few girls interested in it, and there are more coming. It should be a successful season. We play this Friday at 2 pm, and I am SO EXCITED! I haven't played since June, so I'll probably be pretty bad, but I'm super excited because there are boys playing too, which means we can hit each other and stuff. I AM SO EXCITED! I knock people around in girls lax, but if a ref sees me it's trouble. The boys, per usual, get to have all the fun.
I also went to instrumental tonight, and played my violin for the first time in four months. My wrist is killing me right now but otherwise it feels wonderful to be making music again. I tore a ligament in my left wrist last year and it acts up every now and then, particularly when I play my instruments. The violin isn't very conducive to having your wrist resting in a natural position.
The visit with the madre went very well. We went to the macaroni grill, and I didn't eat for a day afterwards because I was still full (the woman knows how to feed me). We also discussed my getting another tattoo.
She was with me when I got my first tattoo, and completely supported it. I have a treble-clef on my mid-upper back in the centre, as a memorial to my music teacher who died during my senior year in high school. It seemed inappropriate that I got a memorial tattoo to my music teacher (who I love dearly and who changed my life) but not to my father. I think it was a lot easier to come up with a meaningful tattoo idea for George, but it's difficult to find the perfect one for Daddy.
So I discussed it with the madre, and she thinks it's brilliant. She suggested a hummingbird, a butterfly, and a rainbow. So I'm going to try to incorporate those things together? Somehow? I don't really like the idea of a hummingbird or a butterfly cause those things are too girly, but Daddy was fond of hummingbirds.
She suggested a rainbow because my father's best friend was gay and died of AIDS (something she neglected to tell me until Sunday), and, her exact words "Daddy was sympathetic towards gay people." I think a rainbow tattoo is brilliant, but I'm not sure it's what I want. I would love and will at some point in time get a rainbow tattoo, but right now I am focusing on getting something to memorialise my father for me, and nothing else. I looked for some ideas online and I found one where there is the Earth surrounded by a rainbow going out, kind of like sun rays, which I think is really cool. I was thinking that, for my father, I could get a standard peace sign in the middle with a rainbow going out (effectively killing two birds with one stone, which is what I kind of wanted to avoid). I want people to see my new tattoo and know I got it for my father, and I am afraid that if I get a rainbow tattoo they won't think that. But I don't want to get a heart with "Daddy" in it. It has to be meaningful. I'm still playing with the idea, but I go home for Molly's NINETEEN BIRTHDAY! on September 21, which is when I was planning on getting the tattoo. But these things can't be rushed.
I'm watching All About Eve and LOLing at Bette Davis, she's such a loon. She's too serious about everything in such a not-at-all serious kind of way. I'm pretty envious of the ability to be serious/but not at the same time, everyone either thinks I'm completely insane and always running in circles like a deranged person or I'm overly serious. There has to be an even medium, but I don't think there is with me.
I've got so much going through my head right now that it's craziness. And I should be reading Phillis Wheatley, and although I think her poetry is astonishing, I have had no time to myself at all today. This is my first free moment. God.
I see myself going crazy and or never sleeping and or both in the very near future. Perhaps tonight? We'll see.
The Harvey Milk movie looks fabulous, can't wait to see it.
I need to read, but I'd rather be running around outside in the puddles. Gahh!!
I also went to instrumental tonight, and played my violin for the first time in four months. My wrist is killing me right now but otherwise it feels wonderful to be making music again. I tore a ligament in my left wrist last year and it acts up every now and then, particularly when I play my instruments. The violin isn't very conducive to having your wrist resting in a natural position.
The visit with the madre went very well. We went to the macaroni grill, and I didn't eat for a day afterwards because I was still full (the woman knows how to feed me). We also discussed my getting another tattoo.
She was with me when I got my first tattoo, and completely supported it. I have a treble-clef on my mid-upper back in the centre, as a memorial to my music teacher who died during my senior year in high school. It seemed inappropriate that I got a memorial tattoo to my music teacher (who I love dearly and who changed my life) but not to my father. I think it was a lot easier to come up with a meaningful tattoo idea for George, but it's difficult to find the perfect one for Daddy.
So I discussed it with the madre, and she thinks it's brilliant. She suggested a hummingbird, a butterfly, and a rainbow. So I'm going to try to incorporate those things together? Somehow? I don't really like the idea of a hummingbird or a butterfly cause those things are too girly, but Daddy was fond of hummingbirds.
She suggested a rainbow because my father's best friend was gay and died of AIDS (something she neglected to tell me until Sunday), and, her exact words "Daddy was sympathetic towards gay people." I think a rainbow tattoo is brilliant, but I'm not sure it's what I want. I would love and will at some point in time get a rainbow tattoo, but right now I am focusing on getting something to memorialise my father for me, and nothing else. I looked for some ideas online and I found one where there is the Earth surrounded by a rainbow going out, kind of like sun rays, which I think is really cool. I was thinking that, for my father, I could get a standard peace sign in the middle with a rainbow going out (effectively killing two birds with one stone, which is what I kind of wanted to avoid). I want people to see my new tattoo and know I got it for my father, and I am afraid that if I get a rainbow tattoo they won't think that. But I don't want to get a heart with "Daddy" in it. It has to be meaningful. I'm still playing with the idea, but I go home for Molly's NINETEEN BIRTHDAY! on September 21, which is when I was planning on getting the tattoo. But these things can't be rushed.
I'm watching All About Eve and LOLing at Bette Davis, she's such a loon. She's too serious about everything in such a not-at-all serious kind of way. I'm pretty envious of the ability to be serious/but not at the same time, everyone either thinks I'm completely insane and always running in circles like a deranged person or I'm overly serious. There has to be an even medium, but I don't think there is with me.
I've got so much going through my head right now that it's craziness. And I should be reading Phillis Wheatley, and although I think her poetry is astonishing, I have had no time to myself at all today. This is my first free moment. God.
I see myself going crazy and or never sleeping and or both in the very near future. Perhaps tonight? We'll see.
The Harvey Milk movie looks fabulous, can't wait to see it.
I need to read, but I'd rather be running around outside in the puddles. Gahh!!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
For What It's Worth
The madre is coming for a visit today (a four hour drive total, bless her heart) and we're going to go out to late lunch and have a good time.
But I had to degay my room, which means I had to hide the rainbow flag, the poster of the girls sucking face, and loose the key chain that says "my parents told me I could be anything, so I became a lesbian."
When I am home, I have to act not gay. I don't act straight (I never really acted straight except when I was trying desperately to convince myself and everyone around me that I was straight, but that subsided sometime between the eighth grade and sophomore year) around anyone. I never talk about my crushes around my mom, or tell her how hurt I am when I am treated differently (something happened that I may or may not talk about in a coming post) or tell her what it's like to be me, really. Being me is great, I love who I am and how far I have come. I love life and everything about it, and I'm a lot healthier and happier than I've ever been as a result of my out-ness.
I just wish I could tell her. It hurts so much to feel like I'm hiding a huge part of who I am from her, from the person I used to be the closest to in the whole world. Ever since my father died it has been the madre and I, just the two of us putting our lives back together. I want so badly for her to know that I'm gay, and for her to not care at all. I'm not just gay, just like I'm not just a Christian, a college student, from the East Coast, the child of a single mother, the child of immigrants and Native Americans, of explorers and farmers. I'm just me, and I'm worth everything in the world, just like you. I want to be worth as much to the world as I know I am to me.
But I had to degay my room, which means I had to hide the rainbow flag, the poster of the girls sucking face, and loose the key chain that says "my parents told me I could be anything, so I became a lesbian."
When I am home, I have to act not gay. I don't act straight (I never really acted straight except when I was trying desperately to convince myself and everyone around me that I was straight, but that subsided sometime between the eighth grade and sophomore year) around anyone. I never talk about my crushes around my mom, or tell her how hurt I am when I am treated differently (something happened that I may or may not talk about in a coming post) or tell her what it's like to be me, really. Being me is great, I love who I am and how far I have come. I love life and everything about it, and I'm a lot healthier and happier than I've ever been as a result of my out-ness.
I just wish I could tell her. It hurts so much to feel like I'm hiding a huge part of who I am from her, from the person I used to be the closest to in the whole world. Ever since my father died it has been the madre and I, just the two of us putting our lives back together. I want so badly for her to know that I'm gay, and for her to not care at all. I'm not just gay, just like I'm not just a Christian, a college student, from the East Coast, the child of a single mother, the child of immigrants and Native Americans, of explorers and farmers. I'm just me, and I'm worth everything in the world, just like you. I want to be worth as much to the world as I know I am to me.
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