I don't recall my first two weeks of freshmen year, simply because I was in a perpetually inebriated state. I killed a lot of brain cells freshmen year, and made many a poor decision. But I managed to never get in trouble (in the sense that I was never caught) and never had to go to the hospital (unlike many of my friends). I watched one of my friends bash her head against the porceline tiles in the bathroom one night after drinking 12 shots of vodka, completely black out drunk, eyes rolling in the back of her head. It was probably the scariest night of my life and except for a few slip ups I was basically on the straight and narrow after that.
I came back to my room one night with my girlfriend last year when my roommate was sleeping and my girlfriend proceeded to scream at me about what a drunk I was, how I was always drunk etc. etc. Which, of course, wasn't true. I play a sport, go to class and manage to be a functional human being. My roommate overheard the "conversation" (i.e. me being screamed at) and bolted up and consoled me after I told the chick to get lost. Bless her heart, she reminds me on any occasion she can that I had some trouble last year, but she (my ex girlfriend) was completely incorrect in saying that I was an alcoholic. I'm not an alcoholic and I never will be. Too many family members of mine have been alcoholics and have, more often then not, died because of their alcoholism. That's not for me, and I can honestly say that I have very little interest in alcohol. I'm way too busy with the 1,000,001 things going on in my life to have the ability to get sloshed with my friends every night.
So when my friend told me about how drunk she got last night, and how she hates herself because she can't have a good time without getting drunk, it really broke my heart. She needs to get help, but she doesn't go to this school anymore and I can't physically take her to health services to get counseling. I can only suggest to her that she get help before it's too late. But she won't, because she is too stubborn and she doesn't recognize how big of a problem this is becoming for her. My idea of a good time has changed a lot from last year, but clearly her's hasn't. It's only become more of a shit show for her, and that's not okay. I can't stand to watch her hurting herself the way that she is. I just want to cut her out, to forget she is one of my best friends, so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I can't be a freshman anymore, I can't drink like that anymore or think that drinking is the be all end all.
Since freshman year I've quit smoking, I've cut down on drinking a lot, I've started taking my school work a lot more seriously. I want to learn, to grow, to help people, to save the world. You can't do those things when you've got a monkey on your back. I won't abandon my friend, because I love her and she needs support, but I just hope she can throw her monkey off before it is too late.
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