I guess I've come to the conclusion that I have a somewhat nihilistic view of life. I suppose my optimism has gone so far as to thrust me into the depths of nihilism.
For as long as I can remember, my view of life has been that everything is always going to be okay. Because everything will always be okay, nothing really matters at all. When my father died, it was hard and we cried and we saved our money and sometimes we went without, but we're okay now. Life goes on. If tomorrow I were to drop dead it wouldn't matter in the least, because all there is is life. An afterlife is another matter entirely, but in this level of existence there is only life, beyond that there is presumably nothing (or everything if you subscribe to those beliefs). When you live you live, and you best live to the best of your ability, because when you die, you die.
My friend said something to me the other night that made me do a double take on what I tell people. He said something to the effect that it is incredibly egotistical to go through life thinking you are the only person who matters, and I agree 100%. No one life matters more than any other life.
Whenever someone comes to me and says they're having a rough time, I listen to them, listen to their story, and give them whatever advice I can offer. I almost always remind whomever I'm giving advice to that: Everything is always okay, no matter what happens or how terrible things look right now they are ALWAYS going to be okay, and the thing I am probably most often found saying is "at the end of the day you are the only person who matters in the entire world."
I truly believe that between the time when you close your eyes and the time when you open them to begin your day, you are the only creature in all creation who matters. In order that I don't sound like a preponent for the "it's all about me" mindset. For the hours when your eyes aren't closed and your mind isn't asleep, it can't be all about you. It's a downright sin for one to go through life thinking it's all about them, no one else matters.
So I suppose now when I am talking to my troubled friends I'll need to qualify "at the end of the day you are the only person who matters" with "but during your waking hours you need to give back, you need to see the world and see what needs to be done and do it."
Everything is always okay, true enough, but there are babies going to sleep hungry, and children too afraid to play out in the fresh air and the sunshine, children who have never known green grass or a peaceful night's sleep, right here in our very own United States. Sure life goes on, but so long as life is never allowed to begin for these kids, so long as our society has forgotten about them, our government has refused services to them, life remains stagnant. Imagine the beauty these young people are capable of, the art, the music, the science, the discoveries. They will never be allowed to contribute to society, and they will remain stagnant, like the air that they breathe.
Reading Kozol has put a spin on everything I hear, everything I say, everything I do. I can't just sit around and do nothing.
I remember working for Habitat for Humanity, when the family came in at one point to see the house, and how thankful the man was. He was so very grateful, so very moved. I didn't understand why. Sure it's nice to have a house, it's nice to have a yard and a tree, nice to be close to school and work, nice to be able to see the sky and the grass, to put everything in perspective like that. But I didn't understand why he was so thankful, until now.
Our country, our society, our neighbours, we've all forgotten about these people, these good decent hard working people who need us to see them, need us to remember them.
I can't even bring myself to say much about the fact that today is the ten year anniversary of Matthew Shepard's death. We need hate crime legislation that includes gender and sexual orientation, no question about it. We need to remember that there are many different people in this world, in fact all people are different. No one person is exactly the same as another, nor is the "ideal" human being the same person for any given individual. We're not all right, and we're not all wrong. All we can do is simply live, and love.
"If you judge someone, you never have the chance to love them."
Mother Theresa was a smart woman, an incredibly compassionate and intelligent human being. I wish so desperately that we had a leader like her currently in this world. We need more love, all around.
We need to elect the right person for the job of fixing this great country. The land of the free. We need the right person to fix this world.
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