June is a GREAT month, in many many ways.
Well, first and foremost, and of uptmost importance to everyone on the planet, June is the month of my birth. Back in 1989 in a log cabin in Hartford, Connecticut two people welcomed into their lives a baby girl who would one day grow to rule the world.
Well, that's the plan anyway. Until then, I was just born in June. Most of us are born and therefore have birth months, June just happens to be mine.
June is also the first full month of summer for those of us who are going to a form of school in the United States (I'm not sure about the rest of the world). The kids are just getting out of school in the lower grades, and us big scary college kids have been out since May, some since April. June is also the first month of summer, when things start heating up, pools are opened, people start leaving their homes and going for walks and having camp fires in their back yards.
June is my favorite month for all these reasons, but also because it happes to be pride month.
I'm proud to say that I've been out and proud for almost a year now (to everyone except my family, but I'm definetly not hiding anything from them).
I remember the first person I came out to, and I remember it happening like it was just yesterday. When the words "I'm gay" slip out of your mouth it's like this enormous weight being lifted off your shoulders. After you tell one person you just want to run around shouting it from the roof tops. I was very hesitant about coming out to other people. I had no idea how they would react, and for a while it was a secret shared between one of my best friends and I.
And then he told another one of my best friends. I got a text message from her late at night, after I had texted her saying I wouldn't be able to hang out. Her text read (and I saved it): "Oh no! :( well then I can tell you that I don't care if you're a lesbian! *hugs*" I turned bright red, because I knew I had been outed, and then I felt a huge sigh of relief, because being outed and it turning out for the best is SUCH a relief.
So at that point in time two of my very best friends knew, and it was hard for them to keep it to themselves because we have a very close knit group of friends who we share everything with. Keeping secrets isn't our style. I went through the rest of the summer between high school and college with a few people knowing, but most importantly with ME knowing. Being sure of something is such a powerful feeling. You feel like you really can do anything when you're absolutely positive.
When I got to college I knew it was going to be a lot harder to pretend to be someone I am not. I made good friends with a group of girls who were completely boy crazy, who talked about nothing else, and therefore drove me insane.
So I drifted from them and discovered a friend of mine, Mark, who became probably my best friend at school. I told Mark, and I also told him that I had a HUGE crush on a friend of ours. Huge. Epic. Head over heels.
Mark was the perfect person for me to tell because he knew it was important, and he also knew I needed to come out because it was hurting me more than it was hurting anyone else.
Prior to telling Mark, I had been living like your average drunken college freshmen. I made two very big mistakes early in the year that could have turned out a lot worse than they did but that definetly helped me grow as a person. Needless to say I was completely sure about my sexuality by the end of the first semester.
Finally Mark decided enough was enough when I ended up crying one night after lying to someone about my sexuality (there was a survey for a sociology class and it asked about sexual orientation and I totally lied). I needed to come out for my own peace of mind.
I started telling all of my friends. Most of them weren't surprised, and they were all VERY supportive and really it didn't change our relationship at all. They were all very supportive when I got a girlfriend. They were even more supportive when I broke up with her because the relationship was not healthy at all. I'm afraid if I had let it go on any longer my friends would have abandoned me, or kicked my ass for dating someone who was not good for me at all. I love my friends very much, and am adamant about the fact that friends, at least at this point in life, are FAR more important than women. Girls will come and go but friends are forever.
I told my best friend over winter break. She was COMPLETELY blown away. Completely. Like the thought never even crossed her mind that I might not like guys. I have dated a lot of guys. Between 7 and 10th grade I was never without a boyfriend. My last two years in high school consisted of me trying desperately to cling to heterosexuality, and also working through some other issues that needed to be worked out.
The conversation between my best friend and I went something like this. My friend (the first person I ever told) outed me again. This time, my best friend really did not believe him, but she played along like she did.
"So does your mom know that you're gay?"
"Actually, no, she doesn't"
"Hah!"
"I'm serious"
"What? No you're not."
"Yes I am, I am gay, and my mother does not know."
"What? No. Really? No. What? You're joking. Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"OH MY GOSH THAT'S SO COOL!"
And that's how my best friend found out. Our relationship has only gotten better since then.
So I don't hide it from anyone anymore. I'm out on campus, I'm out to my lacrosse team, I'm out to all of my friends. I love being out, and I'm SO proud of the gay community for all of the strides they have made in the recent past that has made it comfortable for my generation to come out and be proud.
I'm very fortunate to live in a part of the world where it's not the end of the world if you are gay. I'm fortunate that I didn't attend a body of religion from the time that I was very young that told me that straight is the only way and anything else is a terrible, hell-bound sin.
I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of myself for coming out. I wouldn't change a thing about me or about anyone. Gay or straight, we're all God's children. God creates in His image, and what better image than the image of Love.
God bless and have a WONDERFUL Pride Month!!!!
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