4%

If I got 4% of my paycheck, and the rest was taken out for "social security" that my generation will never see, I'd be mighty pissed.

If I was having a house built and only 4% of the construction was finished on the day that the entire home was supposed to be done, I would be very upset.

If I were in a terrible accident and only 4% of my body was salvageable... I'd be dead.

I live in a country where 4% of the states allow EVERYONE to be married.

I, unfortunately, don't live in one of the states where marriage is a civil liberty. Well, I'm a registered voter in CT and I've never been employed in any other state, and I write resident of CT on paperwork, but I do reside in the great state of Massachusetts 9/12 of the year.
I don't want to live in a country where marriage isn't a civil liberty for everyone. Where bigots run the nation. Where honest, hard working people aren't granted the same rights as other honest, hard working people, for no reason other than who they love.

At least they are capable of love.

At least they don't have to hide who they are and have anonymous sex with people in airport bathrooms, or take advantage of young people in our nation's capitol, or hire prostitutes, or any number of the outrageous things our elected officials, THE CIVIL SERVANTS OF THIS NATION, do, constantly. And with YOUR tax money.

I work, I drive a car, I live in a home, I have a family who is counting on my having a future, I go to college, I have friends and family who love me, I LOVE my friends and family. I also am attracted to women. So where's the crime?

Once I didn't have enough money to pay for a pizza, and I promised the man I'd pay him back the next day, and I've never gone back since. That's the first and last time I ever "stole" and I certainly didn't mean to.

Sometimes I yell at the people I love when I get frustrated.

I don't keep my room as tidy as I should.

I drink sometimes, and I smoked cigarettes before I turned 18. That's the extent of my illegal biddings.

My country would have me think that because I like chicks I am a second class citizen. STILL. After all these years. It was just over half a century ago, I believe, that homosexuality was taken out of the APA manual of psychological disorders. I don't have a psychological disorder. Certainly the ability to love another human being isn't a psychological disorder. It's a gift from God that should be cherished. Gender is of no consequence.

And don't bring God or the Bible into this. YOU IGNORANT BASTARDS! Read the Bible!!! Don't take it out of context and listen to those scumbags who spout hate!! They also beat their wives and children and perpetuate violence!! They also have 10 mouths to feed at home because they can't put a damn glove on it!! THEY ALSO ARE NOT THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION!

Most people are honest, hard working, quiet American citizens, just trying to get by, and love their families and make the most of the time they're given. THEY ELECTED YOU! Take their tax money and put it to good use!!

We all deserve the right to love whoever we chose, and to not be afraid to walk down the street holding hands with our lover, and to not be confronted with hate DAILY from the people who are supposed to be doing OUR WILL!

WASPS are not the majority anymore. I am a WASP, I am a woman, I am a decent, law abiding American citizen.

LET ME LOVE WHO I WANT TO LOVE IN PEACE!

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, that's all any American wants. And if anyone wants to take away the ability of other Americans to enjoy those rights that are guarenteed by our Constitution, well THEY will get a big dose of LOVE from me!!

P.S. that was kind of a rant, but it made me feel a lot better. Congratulations to California, God Bless all who are being married there now and in the coming months and God grant freedom for the rest of the nation!!

Just Another Manic... Tuesday?

I woke up this morning around 10 and my mother was still around the house. In fact it was she, walking into my room and dropping a hamper on my bed (exactly where my legs were, thanks mom) who woke me up. "Is it Sunday?" I mumbled almost incoherently. She laughed and said "Yeah, you slept for a whole week" and then proceeded to tell me about how her front axel fell apart this morning in the driveway so it was in the garage and she couldn't get to work. Bullshit, my car is sitting in the driveway, if she really wanted to get there she totally could have. But I'm glad she didn't because, for some reason, I always seem to have more fun when that crazy madre of mine is around.

So I said I was going to quit my job and well... I'm not. I got my pay check today and I discovered how much I really like money. I have to go talk to my boss about putting me on the schedule again. Blah... I'm not very good at grovelling... sadly. But whatever, such is life.

So I went to visit my pal Rob today at his college, we had lunch, discussed quitting smoking/quitting my job/nature, things like that.

My friends and I also decided that we will be going camping on the cape in a few weeks, also. I'm VERY excited about that, but I hope it happens (with work schedules and all). Le sigh, things were so much simpler when we were younger.

So I took the madre to the garage and she got her car, $2,000 later. We also opened the pool today and it's awesome. I haven't been in it yet but it looks really good.

So it was a pretty good day, a pretty busy day. I'm going on a bike ride with my best friend in a little while. I love taking bike rides with her cause, well, we're best friends and it's just awesome. We get to be all bikey and talky and ridey and things like that.

And I love sitting on the swings with her when we arrive at our destination (which is usually the playground of our old elementary school) and talking about everything in the world. She's pretty amazing, that best friend o'mine. I'm incredibly lucky to have the people in my life who I do have in my life. They truly are gifts.

Pull Shapes

So I hate my job... and I may or may not be forced into quitting. I went back today to see if I could get any hours this week and my manager was chastising me for not "reminding" her that I was going on vacation. I told her I was going to be on vacation June 7-14 (Saturday-Saturday) on the Wednesday before I left. That wasn't good enough? She had a pad of paper and a pen in her hand, she couldn't write it down?

In any event, she told me I have to pick my check up from the district manager, so I'm going to go do that in a little while. While I'm out, though, I'm going to be filling out applications for other places. I heard the Borders at the mall near my house is hiring, and that job would be just so perfect I can't even stand it! I could do a backflip thinking about how awesome that would be.

I'm also going to get back to writing. I haven't really written much since the beginning of the school year (I had a good deal of free time first semester, and what wasn't spent shotgunning beer or drinking whiskey straight from the bottle was spent writing/studying). I'd like to get something published. I mean, I was published in the literary magazine in high school and more recently the the magazine in college (and a poetry book of young writers across America in 5th grade, super proud of that one), but I'd love to be published in a "real" magazine or collection of short stories. Something like that. If I made some money off of it, all the better, right?

For right now, though, almost all is right with the world. Almost all, anyway, I still have to go talk to the district manager and sound like an ass (per usual).

The seniors from my alma mater graduate tomorrow night!! It's enough to bring a tear to my eye. I wish them all the best of luck in whatever route they pursue. It's a big scary world out there, but as long as there are people who care about you in it then it's not so bad.

And I'm going to MA this week to visit some incredible people and possibly get my lacrosse on!! I haven't played lacrosse since May (sadly), if I could I'd play 24 hours a day. As soon as the pool is open, though, I'll be doing some serious swimming. I wish there were more hours in the day, and that employment was less necessary to detract from the awesome of summer. Le sigh.

Oh, and the reasoning behind the title of this blog... I'm addicted to "Pull Shapes" by the Pipettes. My lovely roommate thinks it's hilarious that the lyrics "dance with me pretty boy tonight" can very often be found in my away message. If she thinks that's funny, she should see me spinning around my house singing the song over and over again. Quite a sight to be seen. It really is an addicting song though.

Being Auntie Rachel, the Best Job in the World

I just saw a picture of my niece on the floor of my bedroom. Usually this picture is propped up over the head of my bed on one of those over/around the bed thingies in my dorm room. I guess in the move home it found it's way to the floor.

It's a picture of her on her first day of preschool, with her backpack and her cute little pigtails.
Whenever I see that picture I am reminded of the fact that I would do absolutely anything for that kid, something of which I am powerless to change.

I remember holding her the day she was born, and how when I looked into her eyes I saw my father, her grandfather's, eyes staring back at me. I also saw my sister's eyes, and my eyes. Eye colour is something my father, my sister, my niece and myself all share in common. Bright blue iris with yellow around the pupil. They're very beautiful, but more than that our eyes are what tie us together in many ways. The things we have seen, the things we will see, the things we will show to the next generation. The things our father never had the opportunity to show to his grandchildren.

It makes me very sad when I think about my father missing out on his grandchildren and his grandchildren missing out on him. He really was a wonderful human being with so much love and life.

I remember crawling into the hospital bed with him when he was too sick to run around the hospital with me on his wheeled fluid carrying thingy. He would put his arm around me and we would watch Disney movies and listen to the hum of the machines hooked up to his dying body. He could always make me laugh. Not just a chuckle, but a belly laugh. Happy father's day daddy. I know you're somewhere drinking amazing wine, in no pain, with Candy and Kashi and Ducky curled up around you, watching your amazing grandchildren grow up and looking down on your daughters with pride.

When I stay over at my sister's house and am lulled to sleep by the sound of my crying nephew, I can hardly wait to start the next day.

"Wake up Auntie Rachel wake up!" a voice squeeks, bouncing down the hallway. The door to the guest room slowly opens and the owner of the squeeky voice materializes before my half closed eyes. "Hi, wake up," she repeats. It's 8 am. If I had it my way I would be asleep for at least 4 more hours. I lie there, motionless, and she slowly creeps over to the bed, shakes me, and proceeds to curl up as close as she can possibly get to me.

I love her so much more than I thought I was ever capable of loving another human being. I hope she stays 5 years old forever, but I'm practical and I know that's asking too much of God.
Is hope it's not too much to ask that she has the most amazing life, that she goes to Wellesley, is allowed to marry whoever she chooses, never knows war or pain or suffering, and knows forever and ever that wherever she is in the world, her Auntie Rachel loves her more than anything.

Please Return Your Tray Tables to the Upright and Locked Position

And don't forget to have the worst flight ever. Ugh, I do not even know where to begin.
We left Disney for the airport at about 4 in the afternoon, for a 6:30 flight on Delta. Little did we know that, upon arriving at gate 77 in Orland Intl. Airport, we would discover that our flight was delayed until 8.

I wasn't terribly upset, seeing as I really had nowhere better to be and doing better to be doing with my time. So I sat down with my new Vonnegut novel (Jailbird... it's really good so far!) and a mini box of wheat thins and I was completely satisfied with life.

My mother, on the other hand, was ripshit, and made it known to anyone who cared to listen. Eventually, the flight was delayed even further to 8:45, while we waited for the flight crew to come in. They were apparently delayed by weather, and we were assigned a new flight crew something crazy like that I have no idea what the hell was going on. All I know is we would all be arriving in Hartford at least 2 hours after we were originally scheduled to be arriving.

Finally the flight crew arrived, and we boarded the plane. The seats were 3 across on one side and 2 across on the other. We were sitting in a row of 2, directly across from where they keep the peanuts and diet cokes. Oh and where one of the emergency exits were located. Not cool, at all, totally not on the flight plan. It was SO noisy right there. AND the arm rest in betwen my mother and I wouldn't go up, so whenever I would stretch my seat would recline because my thigh rubbed against the little recline button.

Up until that point I was being my regular cool calm collected self, taking everything in stride and generally pissing my mother off with my mellow-ness. But the arm rest killed me. I was cramped, uncomfortable, and very pissed off. I travel a lot and this was by far one of the worst air travel experiences I have had thus far.

So Delta, if you're listening, you guys need to step up your act. I'm a frequent flier, and I'll start flying Southwest or American if this happens again.
Otherwise it was a very enjoyable, if not educational, vacation.

I'm dreading calling in to work and asking for my hours. I'm just dreading work in general. I would so much rather just lay around by the pool all summer and work on my awesomeness.

Oh, we're opening the pool today too! I'm super excited, it should be fully operational by Wednesday. My dog and I are so going to be the first "people" in the pool this year, we can't even wait. I can see the anticipation in her big brown eyes. The pool water is green right now, but pretty soon it's going to be crystal blue and oh man I just cannot even wait.

Speaking of amazing things, when we finally got home last night (walked through the door at almost exactly 1 am) I was pleasantly surprised with a banner and balloons at the bottom of the stairway right in front of the main door. My friends (who had been pet sitting for us and did WONDERFUL job) had left me a "happy birthday" banner, a "happy birthday" balloon and an "it's a girl" balloon. It was so cute and touching, I freakin love my friends. Molly and Kate, you guys are THE BEST (and so are you Natasha, I know you would have been in on it if you weren't in Poland... COMING HOME TOMORROW!!). Last year, for my 18th birthday, I woke up that morning to a "CONGRATULATIONS IT'S A GIRL!" sign on my front lawn. We left it there for a long time, and I still have it (I'll so have it forever).

There really are beautiful things in this world, like flowers and babies and rainbows (I saw a rainbow over the magic kingdom the other day, it was way cool). The most beautiful thing of all, though, is friendship. There is nothing like it in the world, and with friendship, anything and everything is possible.

Sartre Was Right

Well, Sartre was right about some things anyway. I don't agree with the whole atheism thing but hey, whatever floats yer boat. I do, however, agree with the statement "hell is other people." Normally I would disagree, hell would be a lack of other people because others make life worth living.
That is to say, life is worth living when you're not surrounded by complete assholes, obnoxious children and oblivious adults.
They should have a warning posted on every Disney entryway: Welcome to Disney World! We'll take your money but we won't correct your inappropriate behaviour.
Assholes, ugh, I can hardly even stand it.
This is what happened. We were waiting for a bus at Epcot, in the evening. It was extra magic hours, so we were all hot and exhausted and ready to kill anyone who threatened our ability to get on the damn bus and back to the resort. If you've ever experienced the Disney transportation system, you'll know what I mean. They pack people onto the buses like sardines, and if you're not one of the first 30 or so people on the bus, you're probably going to be standing next to the little girl with the mouse ears, along with the runny nose and questionable cough or Uncle Larry, the one with the long strands of stray chest hair that rub up against your arm as you cling to the metal hand rails with your sweaty hands.
Well we were second in line, so our seats on the bus were guarenteed, since there were only four people in front of us. Finally, after sitting and waiting for this bus for anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes (the buses supposedly run every 20 minutes...), the bus pulled in and let on a woman in a power chair.
Then out of NOWHERE a group of five girls comes up and cuts right in front of the people standing in front of us waiting to get on the bus. I was completely horrified, and I saw on my mother's face that she was none too happy either. I didn't say anything until the driver gave the all clear and these young women (wearing dresses that left NOTHING to the imagination) boarded the bus with no qualm.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" I said, being echoed in some variation of that statement by my mother and several other very angry Disney-goers. The girls, naturally, ignored it. People muttered things and shot them dirty glances.
I loathe injustice, and cutting in line is so juvenile. Who does that?? So I took it upon myself to give those young ladies a piece of my mind.
"YOU CAN'T JUST CUT AN ENTIRE LINE OF PEOPLE! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"Leave us alone, we didn't cut!"
"YOU ABSOLUTELY DID! YOU BETTER GIVE UP YOUR SEATS TO THE PEOPLE WHO WAITED IN LINE FOR THIS BUS!"
"WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE!"
I swear, it's one of my favourite past-times. But swearing around little kids is unforgiveable. If my niece of nephew had been there, well, I'm not a violent person but I probably would have done a lot more then yell at them.
"WHY DON'T YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTHS AROUND THE KIDS! THIS IS DISNEY WORLD, A PLACE FOR FAMILIES!"
"LEAVE US ALONE!"
"I GUESS IT'S MAKE YOUR OWN RULES DAY!"
and that's when my mother mentioned to the driver that these "young ladies" (who I had started to refer to as ladies of the night) had cut everyone and the driver, naturally "didn't see anything."
How freakin convenient. Disney, you're doing your patrons a real disservice by allowing behaviour like that to go on. I know it's difficult to enforce, but if you SEE something, DO NOT TELL A PAYING CUSTOMER YOU DID NOT. I work in customer service too, I know we're trying to make everyone happy. But you can't. You can, however, make sure that justice is served and teenagers who probably should have been spanked a few more times don't get away with being miserable brats. Parents, don't let your kids get away with non-sense like that. Just don't. Raise them right.
That's not to say that yelling at them was right. But what they did was absolutely wrong, and they so deserved it.

Yesterday was my birthday too. It was a great day, I got one of those "Happy Birthday *insert name here* Walt Disney World Where Dreams Come True" pins so everyone treated me nice and they sang to me at lunch in Italy in Epcot. It was lovely.
One of our bus drivers (a good one) got off the bus when he picked us up on the way to animal kingdom and goes "Is it really your birthday today, Rachel?" and I said "yep" and he got back on the bus, I stepped on and he said "HEY EVERYBODY, THIS IS RACHEL TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY!" and they all cheered. When we exited at Animal Kingdom, I got off the bus, and the bus driver followed me and announced to the entire bus stop (an extremely crowded bus stop, if you know Disney you know what I mean) "HEY EVERYBODY, THIS IS RACHEL TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY!" and they cheered more. I hate being the centre of attention but it certainly was a very nice way to celebrate turning 19. I got a free cookie at the Land in Epcot (near soarin) because they give away free cookies for birthdays. That may have been the best part of the day for me.

Something really odd, and very upsetting, happened on Wednesday. We were waiting in the line for The Great Movie Ride at MGM, one of my favourite rides because of the movie clips at the end (I love the AFI movie lists and stuff like that). We had just gotten into the part of the line where you see clips from various movies, Indiana Jones, Alien, Mary Poppins, things like that, when the woman in the group behind us answered her cell phone. I admit I was slightly annoyed that she answered her phone, even if it wasn't a real movie it was still kind of annoying. The conversation went something like this, one sided obviously:
"Whaja mean wherm I at?" "I'm in Disney World" "What happened?!" "WHAT?!!!"
And then she collapsed on the ground. Everyone in the line stopped and stared as what appeared to be her husband and her son tried to hold her up while she sobbed into the cell phone. "My mama?? Not my mama! That bastard finally killed her! Oh what happened what happened..."
What I, and others, gathered from the eavesdrippin we did... someone murdered this poor woman's mother. Not just any someone. It appeared to be her step father.
How does something like that happen?
It's so way not okay at all to kill ANYONE, least of all someone's mama. It was very traumatic, to say the least.
I just occurred to me that this is the first post that I mentioned my name in. Weird.

Well, this is my last night in Disney, sadly. Back to the grindstone tomorrow night. Ugh work... I don't even want to think about it.
Stay safe out there!!

Eeeek... A MOUSE!

Not just any mouse, but the one and only MICKEY MOUSE! That's right, I'm hanging with the mouse man himself in his very own Floridian paradise, Walt Disney World.

I love Disney World, I've been coming here ever since I was 4 years old, and over the past, eight or nine years we've been coming multiple times a year. I can't even tell you how many times I've been here, I've lost count.

This is, however, the first time I've been here for Gay Days in Disney.

Actually, that's incorrect. I was here in fifth grade for Gay Days. I had a terrible sunburn (story of my very Irish life) and all I wanted to do was sit around the pool and be awesome, so I didn't really enjoy the festivities.

That's not to say I enjoyed the festivities this year, either. I did appreciate this blissful time of year more than I did when I was 10, in any event. Because we are here from June 7-14, we were only here for the last weekend. Right now Gay Days are officially over, unfortunately. But I have interesting stories.

Well really only one interesting story. My mother and I were on the bus going back to our resort from Epcot after Illuminations and a fun filled day of travel (waking up at 4:30 in the morning for a flight is no fun... but when the destination is Disney it's totally worth it). If you've ever been to Disney you know they absolutely pack the buses as full as they possibly can. It just so happens that, among the people in the jam packed bus was a group of lesbians.

Now, understand, I've been working with my mother on her gaydar skills ever since our trip to P-Town several weeks ago. She picked up on these lovely ladies right away. I was just a little intimidated of these women. One was missing a tooth, and they all looked like they went to the gym regularly. When I looked at them I imagined bar fights or wrestling matches.

So my mother, who is friendly but not very friendly at all toward strangers, strikes up a conversation with these fine women.

The girls are looking for their stop, but they can't find it. "We haven't even started drinking yet!" one of them announced. (She's my hero).

My mother asked if they were looking to go to Downtown Disney. They weren't, but then they decided that they would. She told them to go to the last bus stop and get off there and wait for a Downtown Disney bus to come by. The girls asked what we were up to. My mom said "Well I want wine but my daughter here wants beer so we're going to go up to the store and buy some beer."

"They have beer here!" one of them said, and it was decided they would all get beer at the store then go back to the bus stop and wait for the Downtown Disney bus. They were incredibly friendly and nice and I do hope they had a wonderful time at Downtown Disney. I was so exhausted as soon as I sat down on the bed I passed out, having only taken a few sips of my beer.

When we were alone later (actually it was the next morning and we were swimming around the quiet pool) I said to my mother "They were some ruther scury lookin women on the bus last night."

To which my mother responds "Oh they weren't so bad. They're people too, ya know."

Trust me, I know. I would have been intimidated by them no matter what they're orientation. The fact that they could probably tell that I am a young queerling only made me more intimidated.

Anyway I'm having a grand time down here in the Florida and will get back to posting probably on Sunday unless something amazingly extraordinary happens.

Peace out girl scout