Time That I'm Wasting

Does it make sense that I don't want to have a plan? I don't want safety. I don't want this anymore.

I love it here, more than words can describe. I have amazing friends, I'm learning incredible things, I'm living a fantastic life.

But I need something more, something different. I don't want to be on a schedule, I don't want to know what is going to happen next. I want every moment to be a surprise. I want everything I experience to be new, exciting, dangerous, unexpected.

Everyone is just so set in the routine here, there, everywhere.

I want to just get out of here and see the country, see the world, just keep driving forever. It's not a safe plan, it's not a smart plan. It's not even a plan.

But I feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life, when I could be out experiencing things for myself. I don't want to read about these things in a text book, I want to feel them with my own hands and see them with my own eyes.

I feel so trapped before I've always been taught that college is what you have to do, and I LOVE college so much, and it is so for me, but at the same time I feel like I'm missing something else that I will never be able to regain if I stay here.

But I will stay here, in safety, with a plan. I will graduate from college, get a job, go to grad school, continue working, get my masters, get a better job, hopefully have a family somewhere in there, save money for vacations and retirement and a home with a big yard and a bunch of animals. And I'll work, and go to school, and take care of my family and my home, and keep going. I don't want to just keep going, I want something new and exciting!

But going in circles isn't helping either. I hate feeling immobile.