Ironic Spontaneity Rant Extraordinaire

It seems funny to me that nothing is ever spontaneous in my life. Everything is always planned well in advance, there are no mysteries. I couldn't even come out to my mother spontaneously, I had to carefully plan out not only what I was going to say to her but also all of the potential responses she would have and my reaction(s). I guess it's true, we do turn into our parents. There is no one more overly-analytical than my mother, except for me.

That being said I'm pretty freakin excited about going into Boston to see some small town band play this coming Friday, it should be a great time. And then Saturday is... TEGAN AND SARA! I have been DYING of anticipation all summer for this concert. I will probably faint and cry like a little school girl.

And the following weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving so the madre and I are trekking up to the great white north for family time and home cooked meals mmmm. There is honestly nowhere in the world that I love more than Newfoundland. It's just a brilliant place, beyond gorgeous. It's usually not too cold this time of year, which is good because I'm more of a Florida girl. But Florida doesn't have scenery like this:


or this:


I'm pretty excited about the "upcoming events," if you will.

I was asked to be on the student athlete advisory committee here at school, (the acronym is SAAC, which makes me gafaw every time) which is just another thing to add to my already outrageous schedule. But somehow I am ahead in my work, and currently working on Thursday's assignments... Busting my ass to get stuff done last night was super successful and very productive.

And people are so so so interested in the GSA, which is great and I'm so glad. I was talking to the madre about it yesterday, and I told her I was kind of wary in telling her that I was starting a GSA here. She said I need to trust her, that she is fine with it and I need to cut her a break. She's not going to freak out because she is totally fine with the fact that I am and have always been gay. She's not shocked that I'm gay, she is shocked that I kept it from her.

I guess maybe I'm the one having difficulties here in that, I've known I was gay for so long and I've kept it hidden from her for so long that it is hard for me to be honest with her and to let her into my life. Which is really sad, but I think it's the truth. I can't call her up on the phone and tell her all about the girl I like or what my crazy ex girlfriend did this time or how much it hurts when people say cruel things like "just move to Canada" or when I find out that I am distinguished by my out-ness and not by my personality as a human being.

I think that's the scariest part of being gay and of being out. It's a toss up whether people are going to recognise you for what you contribute to their lives by virtue of your human-ness, or if they are going to see everything you do, everything you are, everything you will potentially do, as being directly influenced by your being gay. Maybe it's just an age thing, maybe college students still haven't gotten a grasp on the fact that very few things are a result of your orientation, your gender, your race, your ethnicity.

I'm starting the GSA at school because I want there to be a safe environment for gay students, supportive students, bi student, trans students, etc. etc. It's too scary to be thrust into college, just when you're starting to be comfortable with who you are. There need to be people here who are approachable and friendly and understanding who have been through it, who know what it's like, and who will listen. We need to do things that prove that we're not just "different," we're fun, active, adventurous, talented, goofy and always learning too. I'm gay, but that's not all there is to me. When people see me walking down the road or sitting in the library or eating lunch with my friends I want them to know I'm not just the gay chick, I'm Rachel, I play lacrosse for Team Awesome, I save frogs and worms when it rains, I love the violin, I try to be insightful in class but often fail miserably, but I'm always smiling, and I have the best movie collection on campus.

I didn't begin writing this for it to turn into a rant about the GSA or about my feelings on out-ness, but I guess that's what it turned in to. C'est la vie. Happy new week, hope it's great all around!