Funnay Funnay

I didn't really go in depth about the Celine Dion concert, and I really should.

First of all, there were SO many people there. Lots of middle aged men with their mothers and twenty-something year old couples on dates, etc. More little girls wearing homemade "I love Celine" t-shirts than I was anticipating.

And then, there were the gays. Some people might be offended by the term "the gays" because it sets us apart from the rest of society. Well, I'm just using the gays as a term to differentiate between the homosexuals present in the audience and the heterosexuals. Sorry if anyone is offended.

There were SO many lesbians. I was expecting gay men, because it's Celine, I mean come on. Celine, Cher, Barbra, Diana. The gays flock to them like Kathy Griffin on steroids. I was not expecting so many lesbians.

I was also not expecting them to check me out. In front of my mother. VERY obviously.

I'm out to everyone except my mother/her family. I'm fairly certain my sister knows, and anyone who I encounter who assumes my heterosexuality is quickly corrected.

We were standing in line to go in to the theatre and get patted down or whatever, so I was concealing my guns and my shanks (just kidding of course) when the madre turns to me, very slowly.

"Rachel, can you take your bracelet off?"

I wear an HRC rubber bracelet that has the HRC logo, a heart, and a peace sign on it. I guess I kind of wear it so that if anyone has any doubt when they see me, they will know. But it's very small, and not all that noticeable.

"Why?" I turned to her.

"Because there are lesbians checking you out."

My face turned bright red and I turned around and looked forward, so that the crazed lesbians wouldn't know that I knew they were checking me out. I saw them doing it too, and they were SOO not my type at all. I'm just a wee little lesbian, and I guess I look like a lesbian, but I don't announce it to the world. I was so horrified that they were checking me out IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER.

"Ma, maybe they're not checking me out, maybe they're just looking."

"Rachel, I know the difference between looking at someone and checking them out."

Well, I refused to take the bracelet off, and my mother worried that I was going to be molested by lesbians for the rest of the evening. She said "You have to be careful wearing things like that, you don't want people to get the wrong idea."

They have the right idea, Ma, they are dead on.

Lesson: If you're going to check a girl out, make sure she isn't with her parents. PLEASE. It's embaressing to her AND to you. If my madre was a little more bold, she would have gone up to you and given you a piece of her mind. I do believe she would have done to same to a dirty old man looking at me too.

I laugh every time I think about that.