Looking Out for a Sunny Day

I'm pretty excited about the Ally Panel coming up this Thursday. I opted not to do it last year because my RD walked up to me one day and said "So I hear you're a lesbian, would you be on our ally panel?" and really caught me off guard.

So this year, with the newly formed GSA, which I slave over daily for hours generally, the executive board of the GSA is more or less running the show. This is our first big campus event and I'm really excited. I hope it goes off without a hitch. I'm not anticipating anything happening between now and Thursday that would impede the panel, and the rules are really clear that if you're going to be an ass you should go elsewhere. But people can be asses, and someone will in all likelihood say something that shouldn't be said (at a catholic school, in a college setting, in front of peers, in public, etc. etc.).

I'm so busy lately that it's not even funny. All the free time I have consists of the time in between classes. Yesterday I got out of class at 3:15, had a meeting at 3:30, had to work at a blood drive (which I still don't know how I got roped in to, since I have been known to faint at the sight of blood, but fortunately I was only working the "canteen" and making sure the donors didn't pass out) until 6:30, had dinner and went to the gym for an hour, then had a GSA meeting. Well I mean, I did go to IHop at midnight, but who is trolling around Boston suburbs at midnight and later?

There are a few girls who I really want to go out with sometime but how on earth am I supposed to be like "hey, want to get a coffee sometime?" when I don't have a minute free? I feel like I'd have to give her my entire schedule and say "pick a time slot," which would be so douchey. I feel bad because my lack of flexibility is making it slightly impossible to have a life, and as much as I hate to say it, school/clubs/work are my life right now. But I feel like it shouldn't be that way, because I'm nineteen. I REALLY love my life and I'm having a great time, but I'd like to have enough time to take a chick out if I wanted to, or even go see a movie with my friends, or, you know, do all of my work and get it done instead of staying up until 3 am every night working my ass off. If this is how it is when I'm nineteen, how is it going to be when I'm twenty-two? Twenty-eight? Thirty-five? Fifty? What is my life going to be like? Am I just setting myself up? I have really high hopes for myself and what I can accomplish, but is it at the expense of all the other things I want and expect out of life?

It's hard to think about the future when you're so scared that it's going to be exactly the same as the present. But everything will be okay. Everything is always okay.