Craziness

I feel very awkward about this whole situation that I've found myself in, and it's difficult to express exactly how awkward it is so bear with me.

So I slept over her dorm Thursday-Friday, and then my best friend (her roommate) and my roommate both found out about it. She went home for the weekend, only to come back Saturday evening because she wanted to see me, and I ended up staying over there again Saturday-Sunday. She slept over here last night. My roommate doesn't really care because she knows I like girls and she was my roommate when I was in a relationship (a super messy and terrible relationship) last semester. My best friend just thinks it is hilarious, because her roommate is "straight." Which is what I don't get. How can you call yourself straight when you're sleeping with a chick and you are making it known that you are sleeping with a chick.

Be straight, or bisexual, or gay, or whatever you are or whatever you want to be or whatever you have to be. I wish there was a way to go through that "confusion" phase without dragging people who know who they are and what they want into the confusion.

She's acting like this is a huge issue, like it's a big deal, which it is for her but I feel like most people who are aware of this situation have forgotten that there are two people here: she and I. I know it's a big deal for her because she's never been in a situation like this before, and it might not seem like a big deal for me because everybody on this campus knows I'm terribly out and terribly proud, but I'd just like to know what's going on with everything. I feel very out of the loop.

I'm not even sure how I feel about her anymore. I obviously like her or else I wouldn't spend time with her and stuff, and she is a really good friend of mine. She took me to my first Ani concert the Sunday before last, and we went to Tegan and Sara together (with her roommate/my best friend and my best guy friend), she visited me in Connecticut even though she lives in East Jesus Nowhere, MA, my friends are her friends and her friends are my friends. She is a great friend and I wouldn't trade her for the world, and I especially don't want her to get hurt (and I myself would prefer to not be hurt, also). I'm not even sure if I want to be in a relationship with anyone, or that I am ready to be "the first" for someone (much less a great friend of mine).

Everything is very out of control right now. This "thing" has taken on a life of its own. Thanksgiving break should be good, everybody can just calm down for a few days.