I wasn't a Christian all my life, in fact today is the four year anniversary of my baptism into the faith.
I'm not a born again, though I suppose you could say that I was born again in Christ. I'm a Lutheran.
I believer wholeheartedly in God (in whatever form you choose God to take), I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, I believe the Bible was written by individuals who heard the Word of God, through whom God spoke to the people and continues to speak today.
I also believe the Bible is the single most misinterpreted piece of literature in the history of the world, or perhaps more accurately the single piece of literature that has caused the most strife and bloodshed in the history of the world.
When I read the Bible, my heart feels full because it's like I am talking to God. God is telling me how much s/he loves me. I have a similar experience when I am hiking or when I am swimming or when I look into the faces of children. The Bible gives me a sense of being overwhelmingly full and at peace, knowing that everything is going to be okay because God, the most powerful being ever, loves me personally. You may disagree and say that God does not exist, and that is your prerogative to believe or not believe or to believe something different, it is a wonderful free country we have here. But every time a rain drop falls on my cheek or I look into my niece's bright blue eyes I know for a fact that God exists, and s/he is good.
But some people don't feel full when they read the Bible. Some people feel so empty that they feel the need to make other people empty, and so they tear others down, they tell others they are going to hell, they fight and they kill and they do it all in God's name. They read the Word, and they see that they have sinned, but they forget that God loves them and they will be forgiven, so they take all of their regret and all of their anger toward themselves and they turn it out into the world. These people are in our churches, our schools, our offices, our neighbourhoods. They are our uncles, our sisters, our mothers, our best friends. They are the ones who feel a deep shame within themselves when they read the Word, and take that shame and do harm to others with it.
Well I won't be shamed by you anymore, nor will I let my friends and loved ones be shamed by you either. From this day forward I pledge that I will love and be loved by God and I will believe in Jesus just as He believes in me because it's my right as an American to believe what I want and it's my responsibility as a Christian to spread the Good News, take it or leave it. I will go about my life, freely and honestly, and I won't make anyone feel bad about themselves just because I am insecure and I won't use the Bible to sway the opinions of others or as a code of law for my country, "free of the bias of religion."
It's been four years, and it took me four years to learn that I'm not doing anything wrong by living my life. So long as I mind my business, give back when and where I can, love everyone I possibly can and always believe, I'll be saved.
I hope those people who would damn me or say that I am a sinner will see the light of reason before it is too late for them. I have faith.
John 3:17 "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him"
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wisdom
I think one of my wisdom teeth is coming in... mmm not cool. I'm not sure though, because my far back molars hurt sometimes, which I just attribute to the fact that I have two wisdom teeth (one on the top on the left and one on the bottom on the right) and they're just chilling. Le sigh, I fear this may be the real deal, so to speak.
I've been wanting to say something about the Air France jet that apparently was lost at sea between Brazil and France. Well, I was praying really hard for those poor people, as I'm sure most people were. It's such a tragedy. People who did nothing wrong, just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I'm a firm believer that when your number is up, your number is up. But it just doesn't seem at all fair. I guess nothing is fair, but their families didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
I hope they're all at peace and their families can find peace, it doesn't get easier when a close loved one dies but the pain does dull over time.
Peace to everybody out there, happy Thursday!
Turpentine - Brandi Carlile
I've been wanting to say something about the Air France jet that apparently was lost at sea between Brazil and France. Well, I was praying really hard for those poor people, as I'm sure most people were. It's such a tragedy. People who did nothing wrong, just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I'm a firm believer that when your number is up, your number is up. But it just doesn't seem at all fair. I guess nothing is fair, but their families didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
I hope they're all at peace and their families can find peace, it doesn't get easier when a close loved one dies but the pain does dull over time.
Peace to everybody out there, happy Thursday!
Turpentine - Brandi Carlile
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Urrrrggg
I had no idea what I would find when I went into my gmail account today.
I haven't even looked at the thing since probably July or August 2008. And lo, mountains of email.
Henceforth I shall check my gmail account daily.
Wish me luck on my first statistics exam of the summer course (1 out of 2, not including the final) tomorrow at 10:15 am!! eee
I haven't even looked at the thing since probably July or August 2008. And lo, mountains of email.
Henceforth I shall check my gmail account daily.
Wish me luck on my first statistics exam of the summer course (1 out of 2, not including the final) tomorrow at 10:15 am!! eee
Monday, June 1, 2009
June
Didn't realize this but I totally missed the one year anniversary of blogging, yay. It's been a great year, pretty eventful, a complete learning experience, but that's what life is all about. I hope you've had a good year too.
So we're back in June. June is probably my favourite month (though it's quickly becoming my least favourite month due to the fact that I somehow magically age one year every June... fml) because it's the start of summer and it's glorious. The pool is opened and we started hanging out outside more often and I'm free from the confines of the classroom (save for this summer... another fml).
This will be my first year of truly taking part in any pride events (besides starting and running the GSA and all that entails, going to Disney for gay days, going to P-Town on the regs, prop 8 rallies, etc.) because this year I'm going to Hartford Pride (next Saturday) and Boston Pride (June 13, the day after my birthday!). Hartford should be a good time because it's close to home so I don't have to drive a long distance, it should be small enough that I won't feel overwhelmed, and it will be a good opportunity for me to get a feel for real pride events.
Boston Pride is going to be huge, overwhelming, and probably a little scary, but it will be totally awesome because I love Boston and I haven't been out there in a few weeks. Boston Pride is one of the major pride parades so it should be really... insightful. Oh, and Melissa Etheridge is the celebrity marshal for Boston Pride 2009!?!?!?! Well, I don't think that means that she'll be there, but she's pretty freakin swell and I'd do basically anything for her so I'll totally be at Boston Pride.
Hope everyone is having a productive Monday thus far! Happy June!!
So we're back in June. June is probably my favourite month (though it's quickly becoming my least favourite month due to the fact that I somehow magically age one year every June... fml) because it's the start of summer and it's glorious. The pool is opened and we started hanging out outside more often and I'm free from the confines of the classroom (save for this summer... another fml).
This will be my first year of truly taking part in any pride events (besides starting and running the GSA and all that entails, going to Disney for gay days, going to P-Town on the regs, prop 8 rallies, etc.) because this year I'm going to Hartford Pride (next Saturday) and Boston Pride (June 13, the day after my birthday!). Hartford should be a good time because it's close to home so I don't have to drive a long distance, it should be small enough that I won't feel overwhelmed, and it will be a good opportunity for me to get a feel for real pride events.
Boston Pride is going to be huge, overwhelming, and probably a little scary, but it will be totally awesome because I love Boston and I haven't been out there in a few weeks. Boston Pride is one of the major pride parades so it should be really... insightful. Oh, and Melissa Etheridge is the celebrity marshal for Boston Pride 2009!?!?!?! Well, I don't think that means that she'll be there, but she's pretty freakin swell and I'd do basically anything for her so I'll totally be at Boston Pride.
Hope everyone is having a productive Monday thus far! Happy June!!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Ten Things Ten People Meme
Got this from my roommate's facebook. One of them was clearly about me, and it was very honest (almost brutally so). I love her to pieces, and I love her all the time, but I don't always like her. We have a sisterly relationship, and I hope we can at least remain friends despite our differences and falling out. She really is the best roommate I could have hoped for and I'll always think fondly of her.
Post ten things that you would like to say to ten different people, but never actually would or could. Do not say who they are.
1. It's hard growing up, and it's even harder to grow apart from the people you once thought you could never live without. We're really growing up and outgrowing each other. Every time we talk I can tell that there is less and less to say. I can no longer honestly say that you are my best friend, or that I even have a best friend for that matter. You will always be my best childhood friend, and a lot of me wishes that I could still say that we are best friends. Such is life, it's not your fault as much as it's not mine.
2. I haven't known you the longest, but I know you very well, and I like to think you know me too. You aren't easy on me at all, in fact you're very honest and sometimes it hurts, but it's nice to not skirt around the issues. I wish you would quit hurting yourself. For a long time you've been one of the most important people in my life, and I DO miss you when you aren't around (and as much as you say you don't, I know you miss me too) and if something were to happen to you, I'd miss you so much that I wouldn't be able to stand it. You have so much promise, you could do anything with yourself and your talents. I wish you would stop wasting your money and your health and start improving yourself. Love yourself, please, because you're so worth it.
3. You've been a great friend to me for something like eight years now. I'll always be there for you when you need me because you're one of the best friends a person could have. I think you're brilliant. Scratch that, I KNOW you're brilliant. You could do anything with your life and I have so much confidence that you will. You just need to find your niche, find something that interests you, and pursue it. The sky is the limit with you. Have faith in yourself and you can achieve anything.
4. I think even though we practically live in the same city, we're not at all close anymore. I always put such a high price on my friendship with you and the other two and in the end, we grew up, and there is nothing we can do about it. I hope you're happy, I think you are, and I hope we stay in touch throughout this long journey through life, but I'm not optimistic. All I can hope for is your happiness.
5. I'm pretty upset about the way things ended up with you. No one understood our relationship except for us. I'd give almost anything to lay in the dark talking until four am with you on a Tuesday night again. I always went to sleep first, and I regret it, because you always have something unique and important to say, even if it is cloaked with sarcasm and a dirty joke. You're probably the most interesting person I've met in my life so far, and I can't wait to tell my kids all about you. I hope I can call you when I need a shoulder to cry on or a place to stay when I'm travelling by. Please love yourself and stop listening to what those awful doctors tell you, you're fine, you just need to stop blaming yourself for the things going on in your family. I don't like your boyfriend and if I were you I'd trade him in for a newer model, but that's just me. Be good to yourself.
6. When I met you, I could tell we'd be friends, but I could also tell that you had a lot of work to do on yourself. Unfortunately, not much as changed since I met you some five years ago. You need to get out of that unhealthy environment, which you're doing now. You need to be happy with yourself and love yourself before you start dating anyone. I think you need to get help because there is a lot going on in your life and I don't think you can handle it all. I'm here for you always, just a phone call or a two hour drive away. If you ever need to escape for a while you're always welcome wherever I am.
7. I'm so glad I met you last year, and that I fell in love with you this year. I disagree with some of the things you've done since I met you (that situation with your roommate last year, etc.) but I also have the time of my life with you, literally, and can't imagine my sophomore year without you. You really helped me to mellow out and start to appreciate college for what it is: a learning experience. You believe in me, and I know you can do anything you put your mind to, and I mean anything. You taught me how to truly love another human being, something I've never experienced before, and one of the greatest lessons of my young life. Thank you for going on adventures with me, enjoying good music and good food and loving me for me. I loved myself before I met you, and I'm glad I could help you love yourself, because you are so worth every ounce of love on this earth. I'll love you forever no matter what, because you are my first love.
8. If it weren't for you I wouldn't have played last year, I wouldn't have had the strength to start the GSA and stick with it all year (and thanks to you I'll be sticking with it for the next two years). You're the best friend I've made at school, and probably the closest thing to a best friend that I have right now. I'm so glad we're going to London together in the fall, I wouldn't be going if it weren't for you. You're the funniest person I've met, and the only person I want to ditch Hillary for to go sit in an empty room and eat cheesecake and gossip. Sometimes I worry that we're drifting apart, but then I remember that that could never happen because you know me for who I am and what I am and you love me for it and I love everything about you. If I'm sure of anything in this life, it's that more than likely, you and I will be friends forever.
9. I worry about you and how you treat your family. Daddy loved you, as much as he loved me, and there is a lot you don't know about the situation between your mother and daddy and my mother and your mother. I've always loved you and looked up to you so much, but you never gave me the time of day. I was 17 when your son was born, just like you were 17 when I was born, and I'm not going to treat him the way you treated me. I love your daughter more than life itself. If you don't treat the little one right, and based on your remarks to me and other regarding the new one (you don't want another baby, you're not prepared, etc. etc. IT'S CALLED A CONDOM USE IT) Hillary and I will have no problem calling the department of families, and don't think we won't. We love those kids more than anything, and I love you too but I won't sit around and watch them suffer or be mistreated. I've seen the change in L since H was born (and the change in your interactions with L, and how H gets almost all of your attention and affection), and she's not a dumb little girl. She's very bright and she has two eyes, she knows she's been displaced. This new little one is going to need love too, you just remember that. And be an adult.
10. I love you and think you're marvelous. Don't ever doubt how much I love you and care about you. Even though I'm moving away from town, and moving for good for that matter, it doesn't mean our relationship has to change too terribly much. You know me the best in this world and you have my best interest in mind, and even thought you might doubt it, I know you very well too and I do have your best interest in mind. But I can't be a child forever, and now I have to move on, grow up, take care of myself. I don't love you less just because I fell in love, I just love someone else. But I could never love anyone the same as you.
Post ten things that you would like to say to ten different people, but never actually would or could. Do not say who they are.
1. It's hard growing up, and it's even harder to grow apart from the people you once thought you could never live without. We're really growing up and outgrowing each other. Every time we talk I can tell that there is less and less to say. I can no longer honestly say that you are my best friend, or that I even have a best friend for that matter. You will always be my best childhood friend, and a lot of me wishes that I could still say that we are best friends. Such is life, it's not your fault as much as it's not mine.
2. I haven't known you the longest, but I know you very well, and I like to think you know me too. You aren't easy on me at all, in fact you're very honest and sometimes it hurts, but it's nice to not skirt around the issues. I wish you would quit hurting yourself. For a long time you've been one of the most important people in my life, and I DO miss you when you aren't around (and as much as you say you don't, I know you miss me too) and if something were to happen to you, I'd miss you so much that I wouldn't be able to stand it. You have so much promise, you could do anything with yourself and your talents. I wish you would stop wasting your money and your health and start improving yourself. Love yourself, please, because you're so worth it.
3. You've been a great friend to me for something like eight years now. I'll always be there for you when you need me because you're one of the best friends a person could have. I think you're brilliant. Scratch that, I KNOW you're brilliant. You could do anything with your life and I have so much confidence that you will. You just need to find your niche, find something that interests you, and pursue it. The sky is the limit with you. Have faith in yourself and you can achieve anything.
4. I think even though we practically live in the same city, we're not at all close anymore. I always put such a high price on my friendship with you and the other two and in the end, we grew up, and there is nothing we can do about it. I hope you're happy, I think you are, and I hope we stay in touch throughout this long journey through life, but I'm not optimistic. All I can hope for is your happiness.
5. I'm pretty upset about the way things ended up with you. No one understood our relationship except for us. I'd give almost anything to lay in the dark talking until four am with you on a Tuesday night again. I always went to sleep first, and I regret it, because you always have something unique and important to say, even if it is cloaked with sarcasm and a dirty joke. You're probably the most interesting person I've met in my life so far, and I can't wait to tell my kids all about you. I hope I can call you when I need a shoulder to cry on or a place to stay when I'm travelling by. Please love yourself and stop listening to what those awful doctors tell you, you're fine, you just need to stop blaming yourself for the things going on in your family. I don't like your boyfriend and if I were you I'd trade him in for a newer model, but that's just me. Be good to yourself.
6. When I met you, I could tell we'd be friends, but I could also tell that you had a lot of work to do on yourself. Unfortunately, not much as changed since I met you some five years ago. You need to get out of that unhealthy environment, which you're doing now. You need to be happy with yourself and love yourself before you start dating anyone. I think you need to get help because there is a lot going on in your life and I don't think you can handle it all. I'm here for you always, just a phone call or a two hour drive away. If you ever need to escape for a while you're always welcome wherever I am.
7. I'm so glad I met you last year, and that I fell in love with you this year. I disagree with some of the things you've done since I met you (that situation with your roommate last year, etc.) but I also have the time of my life with you, literally, and can't imagine my sophomore year without you. You really helped me to mellow out and start to appreciate college for what it is: a learning experience. You believe in me, and I know you can do anything you put your mind to, and I mean anything. You taught me how to truly love another human being, something I've never experienced before, and one of the greatest lessons of my young life. Thank you for going on adventures with me, enjoying good music and good food and loving me for me. I loved myself before I met you, and I'm glad I could help you love yourself, because you are so worth every ounce of love on this earth. I'll love you forever no matter what, because you are my first love.
8. If it weren't for you I wouldn't have played last year, I wouldn't have had the strength to start the GSA and stick with it all year (and thanks to you I'll be sticking with it for the next two years). You're the best friend I've made at school, and probably the closest thing to a best friend that I have right now. I'm so glad we're going to London together in the fall, I wouldn't be going if it weren't for you. You're the funniest person I've met, and the only person I want to ditch Hillary for to go sit in an empty room and eat cheesecake and gossip. Sometimes I worry that we're drifting apart, but then I remember that that could never happen because you know me for who I am and what I am and you love me for it and I love everything about you. If I'm sure of anything in this life, it's that more than likely, you and I will be friends forever.
9. I worry about you and how you treat your family. Daddy loved you, as much as he loved me, and there is a lot you don't know about the situation between your mother and daddy and my mother and your mother. I've always loved you and looked up to you so much, but you never gave me the time of day. I was 17 when your son was born, just like you were 17 when I was born, and I'm not going to treat him the way you treated me. I love your daughter more than life itself. If you don't treat the little one right, and based on your remarks to me and other regarding the new one (you don't want another baby, you're not prepared, etc. etc. IT'S CALLED A CONDOM USE IT) Hillary and I will have no problem calling the department of families, and don't think we won't. We love those kids more than anything, and I love you too but I won't sit around and watch them suffer or be mistreated. I've seen the change in L since H was born (and the change in your interactions with L, and how H gets almost all of your attention and affection), and she's not a dumb little girl. She's very bright and she has two eyes, she knows she's been displaced. This new little one is going to need love too, you just remember that. And be an adult.
10. I love you and think you're marvelous. Don't ever doubt how much I love you and care about you. Even though I'm moving away from town, and moving for good for that matter, it doesn't mean our relationship has to change too terribly much. You know me the best in this world and you have my best interest in mind, and even thought you might doubt it, I know you very well too and I do have your best interest in mind. But I can't be a child forever, and now I have to move on, grow up, take care of myself. I don't love you less just because I fell in love, I just love someone else. But I could never love anyone the same as you.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
On Such A Timeless Flight
Hillary graduated from college in mid-May. Such a scary thought... graduating from college...
I guess (at least in the academic world) we live in a world where every four years there is a change over, a shift of everything we once knew. At five or so we enter kindergarten. My public school system puts the fifth through eight graders together in the middle schools. Nine through twelve is in one building, and then if you continue to pursue academia you are stuck in higher-ed for four years and then...
Well then I suppose it's up to you. I can't even imagine how it must feel to be graduating from college in a recession. Hillary has to worry about health insurance, paying for her car, paying off student loans and feeding herself all in the same thought. I'm nervous just thinking about it.
But I know she can do it, and I know all of the graduates can do it. It will take a lot of strength, maybe a few tears shed and a few days filled with worry and "what-ifs" but what days aren't filled with a bit of worry and uncertainty? Uncertainty is what makes the world go round, lest we would be completely certain of the future and therefore we would sink into complacency.
I worry a bit for Hillary, and a bit for myself frankly because in two years time I will either have to continue on my educational pursuits or find a job with benefits and start to pay off the cost of breathing.
I know she will be okay, I just know it.
Congratulations Hill! I'm so proud of you and so glad that you believe in yourself, because if you believe in yourself you truly can achieve anything.
Hill and a pal from lacrosse, big bad college grads
I guess (at least in the academic world) we live in a world where every four years there is a change over, a shift of everything we once knew. At five or so we enter kindergarten. My public school system puts the fifth through eight graders together in the middle schools. Nine through twelve is in one building, and then if you continue to pursue academia you are stuck in higher-ed for four years and then...
Well then I suppose it's up to you. I can't even imagine how it must feel to be graduating from college in a recession. Hillary has to worry about health insurance, paying for her car, paying off student loans and feeding herself all in the same thought. I'm nervous just thinking about it.
But I know she can do it, and I know all of the graduates can do it. It will take a lot of strength, maybe a few tears shed and a few days filled with worry and "what-ifs" but what days aren't filled with a bit of worry and uncertainty? Uncertainty is what makes the world go round, lest we would be completely certain of the future and therefore we would sink into complacency.
I worry a bit for Hillary, and a bit for myself frankly because in two years time I will either have to continue on my educational pursuits or find a job with benefits and start to pay off the cost of breathing.
I know she will be okay, I just know it.
Congratulations Hill! I'm so proud of you and so glad that you believe in yourself, because if you believe in yourself you truly can achieve anything.
Hill and a pal from lacrosse, big bad college grads
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Grad Schools in Canada
My Uncle on Newfoundland always told me that if the U.S. reinstated the draft, I'd always have a place on the rock where I could go hide. I'm not one for hiding, but I'm also not one for participating in unjustified conflicts, and unless someone is waving a gun in my family's face there is very little that could provoke me to use violence. Besides the fact that I'm an avid pacifist, I also don't believe in fighting for a country that doesn't allot the same rights to me and people like me based on inconsequential circumstances.
I guess I had a lot more faith in Mr. Obama, that he would do more for the community. Takes our votes... then forget about us. Sickening really. I wouldn't get the chance to fight for this country even if I wanted to, because I can't be who I am. I'm sure I could tote a gun just as well as any other person out there. A friend of mine in the Army told me that I should join up and go into the ministry in the Army, that they had a shortage of ministers and they needed more (she was drunk when she told me this, and I had to chuckle a little because... well the Army wouldn't want someone like me. If you tell me the sky is blue, I'm probably going to argue that's it's really more of an off-purple hue. Not to mention the fact that I'm queerer than Christmas). Long story short, I could preach the Word out there probably just as well as the next guy. I'll tell you all about Yahweh and God and Allah and Jehovah (all the same dude) and help make your journey through life a little more peaceful. I'd love to give back to my country (even though they hate me for some reason?), but I can't because I can't enlist and remain an out individual.
I have this vision of a country where everyone is free, where we as taxpaying, country-loving, flag waving, American Idol watching citizens aren't forced subscribers to religions that we never chose to be a part of.
And, like I said to my mother when she asked about the "California thing," this country was founded by queers, you can't even tell me the founding fathers weren't a bunch of homos (no offense intended at all, I happen to be a proud American and I know my history very well, I also know that, more often then not for the better part of the history of most civilizations: men prefered the company of men and women, the company of women).
I guess what I'm trying to say is, this country is really cutting off its nose to spite its face, for lack of a better expression. I don't want to raise a family here when I could pack of my little car and haul it off to Canada where my rights are the same as the heterosexual next door. But I don't want to leave the country where I was born and raised, where my family lives (mainly), where my friends are and likely will remain.
I'm glad Connecticut and Massachusetts (the only two states I give a crap about, sorry to the other 48) have granted marriage equality, but it's just not enough. When my rights are different when I travel to Florida, something is not right. When my relationship with the person whom I love is not equivalent to a heterosexual relationship simply because I can't procreate with my partner of choice, something is not right. When my country tells me to get lost when I try to live my life the way I choose to live my life, hurting no one (in fact, I try to help out as much as possible in order to make life better for people), something is not right.
I just want to graduate from college, go to graduate school, become a Licensed Mental Health Clinician and eventually get my PhD (or PsyD as they're calling it these days for us psych geeks) and just... help people. I want to get married to a nice, soft spoken, warm hearted, charming girl who will make me laugh every day and who I can make laugh too. I want to have a kid or two and watch them learn new things, make mistakes, learn to love this beautiful world and this wonderful life. I just want to be as financially, emotionally and physically secure in my relationship with another human being (and eventually bringing more human beings into the picture), and I don't think that's too much to ask of this life or this world, or particularly this country where we're supposedly "free."
Sorry this is long and probably very disconnected, but I needed some time to process the "California thing" (as my mum calls it).
I guess I had a lot more faith in Mr. Obama, that he would do more for the community. Takes our votes... then forget about us. Sickening really. I wouldn't get the chance to fight for this country even if I wanted to, because I can't be who I am. I'm sure I could tote a gun just as well as any other person out there. A friend of mine in the Army told me that I should join up and go into the ministry in the Army, that they had a shortage of ministers and they needed more (she was drunk when she told me this, and I had to chuckle a little because... well the Army wouldn't want someone like me. If you tell me the sky is blue, I'm probably going to argue that's it's really more of an off-purple hue. Not to mention the fact that I'm queerer than Christmas). Long story short, I could preach the Word out there probably just as well as the next guy. I'll tell you all about Yahweh and God and Allah and Jehovah (all the same dude) and help make your journey through life a little more peaceful. I'd love to give back to my country (even though they hate me for some reason?), but I can't because I can't enlist and remain an out individual.
I have this vision of a country where everyone is free, where we as taxpaying, country-loving, flag waving, American Idol watching citizens aren't forced subscribers to religions that we never chose to be a part of.
And, like I said to my mother when she asked about the "California thing," this country was founded by queers, you can't even tell me the founding fathers weren't a bunch of homos (no offense intended at all, I happen to be a proud American and I know my history very well, I also know that, more often then not for the better part of the history of most civilizations: men prefered the company of men and women, the company of women).
I guess what I'm trying to say is, this country is really cutting off its nose to spite its face, for lack of a better expression. I don't want to raise a family here when I could pack of my little car and haul it off to Canada where my rights are the same as the heterosexual next door. But I don't want to leave the country where I was born and raised, where my family lives (mainly), where my friends are and likely will remain.
I'm glad Connecticut and Massachusetts (the only two states I give a crap about, sorry to the other 48) have granted marriage equality, but it's just not enough. When my rights are different when I travel to Florida, something is not right. When my relationship with the person whom I love is not equivalent to a heterosexual relationship simply because I can't procreate with my partner of choice, something is not right. When my country tells me to get lost when I try to live my life the way I choose to live my life, hurting no one (in fact, I try to help out as much as possible in order to make life better for people), something is not right.
I just want to graduate from college, go to graduate school, become a Licensed Mental Health Clinician and eventually get my PhD (or PsyD as they're calling it these days for us psych geeks) and just... help people. I want to get married to a nice, soft spoken, warm hearted, charming girl who will make me laugh every day and who I can make laugh too. I want to have a kid or two and watch them learn new things, make mistakes, learn to love this beautiful world and this wonderful life. I just want to be as financially, emotionally and physically secure in my relationship with another human being (and eventually bringing more human beings into the picture), and I don't think that's too much to ask of this life or this world, or particularly this country where we're supposedly "free."
Sorry this is long and probably very disconnected, but I needed some time to process the "California thing" (as my mum calls it).
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