A Giant Leap for Equality

I was at church this evening for my last service before heading across the pond. I gave my pastor a great big hug, knowing how much we're going to miss each other and how much I'm going to miss the church community. Pastor is a wonderful man who has taught me so much about living my life as a spiritual person, his retirement in February is going to be one of the hardest losses of my life. He can't step foot in the church for five years after he retires, which is a church rule in order for the new pastor to become familiar with the congregation. I sure am going to miss him though, but when I get back from London I'll be church shopping near the new apartment. Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to find a congregation as warm as the one I am leaving behind, but no one will ever be able to replace pastor.

It took me a while to get out of church tonight, as everyone was talking with me about London and wishing me well and I was saying my goodbyes. Mom said she thought pastor was getting a little misty when he was saying his goodbyes to me, and I wouldn't doubt it because I was too. I cried like a baby as I drove myself home tonight. I haven't gone four months without going to church since I was baptised.

However, I wasn't so much crying because I am going to miss pastor, the congregation, the feeling I get when I sing a hymn or look up at the cross in the pulpit. Pastor told me, as I was leaving, that the church (the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) recently (this week!!) voted to stop discriminatory practices in regard to sexual orientation. That means that gays and lesbians are now able to be married in the church by an ordained Lutheran minister, gays and lesbians can serve openly as ordained ministers AND be in committed relationships with their spouses. Previously, gays and lesbians could serve as ordained ministers BUT they had to be abstinant, and church policy was that gay and lesbian commitment ceremonies or weddings wouldn't be church sponsored.

This is the. best. news. EVER! I'm so happy for the church, it literally made me weepy, so my tears were a mix of sadness at leaving and happiness that the church is finally entering the 21st century (they skipped right over the 19th and 20th and moved right into the 21st! big steps for a conservative, old fashioned organization). This bodes very well for my interest in becoming a pastor, something I need to discuss with my pastor when I get back from London. I love research and psychology but I've always felt called to serve God and it's not something I can deny. I'm just glad I no longer have to choose between serving God as an ordained individual and being true to myself. I'm also relieved that, if I want to, I can be married in my own church by my own pastor and have a marriage recognized by my church.

It's a wonderful feeling to be accepted. Somewhere in heaven Jesus is saying "now stop persecuting the homos and start feeding the hungry!"

Grad Schools in Canada

My Uncle on Newfoundland always told me that if the U.S. reinstated the draft, I'd always have a place on the rock where I could go hide. I'm not one for hiding, but I'm also not one for participating in unjustified conflicts, and unless someone is waving a gun in my family's face there is very little that could provoke me to use violence. Besides the fact that I'm an avid pacifist, I also don't believe in fighting for a country that doesn't allot the same rights to me and people like me based on inconsequential circumstances.

I guess I had a lot more faith in Mr. Obama, that he would do more for the community. Takes our votes... then forget about us. Sickening really. I wouldn't get the chance to fight for this country even if I wanted to, because I can't be who I am. I'm sure I could tote a gun just as well as any other person out there. A friend of mine in the Army told me that I should join up and go into the ministry in the Army, that they had a shortage of ministers and they needed more (she was drunk when she told me this, and I had to chuckle a little because... well the Army wouldn't want someone like me. If you tell me the sky is blue, I'm probably going to argue that's it's really more of an off-purple hue. Not to mention the fact that I'm queerer than Christmas). Long story short, I could preach the Word out there probably just as well as the next guy. I'll tell you all about Yahweh and God and Allah and Jehovah (all the same dude) and help make your journey through life a little more peaceful. I'd love to give back to my country (even though they hate me for some reason?), but I can't because I can't enlist and remain an out individual.

I have this vision of a country where everyone is free, where we as taxpaying, country-loving, flag waving, American Idol watching citizens aren't forced subscribers to religions that we never chose to be a part of.

And, like I said to my mother when she asked about the "California thing," this country was founded by queers, you can't even tell me the founding fathers weren't a bunch of homos (no offense intended at all, I happen to be a proud American and I know my history very well, I also know that, more often then not for the better part of the history of most civilizations: men prefered the company of men and women, the company of women).

I guess what I'm trying to say is, this country is really cutting off its nose to spite its face, for lack of a better expression. I don't want to raise a family here when I could pack of my little car and haul it off to Canada where my rights are the same as the heterosexual next door. But I don't want to leave the country where I was born and raised, where my family lives (mainly), where my friends are and likely will remain.

I'm glad Connecticut and Massachusetts (the only two states I give a crap about, sorry to the other 48) have granted marriage equality, but it's just not enough. When my rights are different when I travel to Florida, something is not right. When my relationship with the person whom I love is not equivalent to a heterosexual relationship simply because I can't procreate with my partner of choice, something is not right. When my country tells me to get lost when I try to live my life the way I choose to live my life, hurting no one (in fact, I try to help out as much as possible in order to make life better for people), something is not right.

I just want to graduate from college, go to graduate school, become a Licensed Mental Health Clinician and eventually get my PhD (or PsyD as they're calling it these days for us psych geeks) and just... help people. I want to get married to a nice, soft spoken, warm hearted, charming girl who will make me laugh every day and who I can make laugh too. I want to have a kid or two and watch them learn new things, make mistakes, learn to love this beautiful world and this wonderful life. I just want to be as financially, emotionally and physically secure in my relationship with another human being (and eventually bringing more human beings into the picture), and I don't think that's too much to ask of this life or this world, or particularly this country where we're supposedly "free."

Sorry this is long and probably very disconnected, but I needed some time to process the "California thing" (as my mum calls it).

O... Connecticut???

Okay everything needs to slow down and freeze for a hot second.

THE CONNECTICUT SUPREME COURT RULED IN FAVOUR OF LEGALISING SAME SEX MARRIAGE TODAY!!!

oH MY GOD

I was taking a nap in the hotel room in St. John's, Newfoundland this afternoon when I was awoken to my mother saying "Oh my gosh Rachel! Did you hear?"

To which I could only mumble "Uhm, no, I am asleep."

And then she told me that our state, the place I called home for most of my life, where I was born and raised, has come to the conclusion that "love is all you need."

Connecticut has never made me feel insignificant in any way, as a state, or as the town I live in, or the public school system I attended or the jobs I've had or the church I go to. I've always felt that I mattered, that I was a contributing member of society in my own way, just like everyone else I interacted with (or didn't). I feel that everyone matters, and by golly today Connecticut confirmed that conviction.

I wish I were in Hartford right now, so so so bad. If I weren't here for Thanksgiving I would be in Hartford right now decked out in rainbow glory and being riotously loud. All I can say is that Connecticut, you picked a terrible time to do this. Why couldn't you do this when I am home? Alas.

As an aside, Newfoundland is awesome. I'm having a great time, even though local time is a little after 12:30, and I've been up since 4:30 yesterday morning.

The weather was great today, and I went to my favourite spot in St. John's for a bit and then back to my uncle's house for good food and great conversation.

My favourite quote on the evening: On why my Newfie friend should be McCain's VP:
"Forget Palin, we can see fucking Ireland from here!"

4%

If I got 4% of my paycheck, and the rest was taken out for "social security" that my generation will never see, I'd be mighty pissed.

If I was having a house built and only 4% of the construction was finished on the day that the entire home was supposed to be done, I would be very upset.

If I were in a terrible accident and only 4% of my body was salvageable... I'd be dead.

I live in a country where 4% of the states allow EVERYONE to be married.

I, unfortunately, don't live in one of the states where marriage is a civil liberty. Well, I'm a registered voter in CT and I've never been employed in any other state, and I write resident of CT on paperwork, but I do reside in the great state of Massachusetts 9/12 of the year.
I don't want to live in a country where marriage isn't a civil liberty for everyone. Where bigots run the nation. Where honest, hard working people aren't granted the same rights as other honest, hard working people, for no reason other than who they love.

At least they are capable of love.

At least they don't have to hide who they are and have anonymous sex with people in airport bathrooms, or take advantage of young people in our nation's capitol, or hire prostitutes, or any number of the outrageous things our elected officials, THE CIVIL SERVANTS OF THIS NATION, do, constantly. And with YOUR tax money.

I work, I drive a car, I live in a home, I have a family who is counting on my having a future, I go to college, I have friends and family who love me, I LOVE my friends and family. I also am attracted to women. So where's the crime?

Once I didn't have enough money to pay for a pizza, and I promised the man I'd pay him back the next day, and I've never gone back since. That's the first and last time I ever "stole" and I certainly didn't mean to.

Sometimes I yell at the people I love when I get frustrated.

I don't keep my room as tidy as I should.

I drink sometimes, and I smoked cigarettes before I turned 18. That's the extent of my illegal biddings.

My country would have me think that because I like chicks I am a second class citizen. STILL. After all these years. It was just over half a century ago, I believe, that homosexuality was taken out of the APA manual of psychological disorders. I don't have a psychological disorder. Certainly the ability to love another human being isn't a psychological disorder. It's a gift from God that should be cherished. Gender is of no consequence.

And don't bring God or the Bible into this. YOU IGNORANT BASTARDS! Read the Bible!!! Don't take it out of context and listen to those scumbags who spout hate!! They also beat their wives and children and perpetuate violence!! They also have 10 mouths to feed at home because they can't put a damn glove on it!! THEY ALSO ARE NOT THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION!

Most people are honest, hard working, quiet American citizens, just trying to get by, and love their families and make the most of the time they're given. THEY ELECTED YOU! Take their tax money and put it to good use!!

We all deserve the right to love whoever we chose, and to not be afraid to walk down the street holding hands with our lover, and to not be confronted with hate DAILY from the people who are supposed to be doing OUR WILL!

WASPS are not the majority anymore. I am a WASP, I am a woman, I am a decent, law abiding American citizen.

LET ME LOVE WHO I WANT TO LOVE IN PEACE!

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, that's all any American wants. And if anyone wants to take away the ability of other Americans to enjoy those rights that are guarenteed by our Constitution, well THEY will get a big dose of LOVE from me!!

P.S. that was kind of a rant, but it made me feel a lot better. Congratulations to California, God Bless all who are being married there now and in the coming months and God grant freedom for the rest of the nation!!