"Depressed" doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now.

Hillary left this afternoon to go back home to Boston, and oh how jealous I am of her. I can't wait to get home, I'm probably going to kiss the ground, the customs officers, the baggage handlers, everyone. I love it here in London and I've had such a great time but:

I. am. ready. to. get. my. ass. home.

I haven't been homesick this whole time. I've been sick of traveling, sick of being "on" all the time, sick of not being near my animals, sick of being around strangers 95% of the time and sick of not being with my family and friends, but none of that even compares to how sick, physically and emotionally, I feel over Hillary leaving.

I had to write about it because I can't just lay in my bed and cry all night, so I need to get this out.

Twenty-one days feels like an eternity. I'm just about ready to throw in the towel, but I know that would be ridiculous since I'd miss finals and fail all my classes. I just want to go home so badly at this point that it's the only thing on my mind.

Hillary brought me four of those easy mac in a cup things where all you do is add water and microwave, and I ate one for dinner tonight and I nearly cried with bliss, it was so delicious. I can't handle the food here anymore I think it will drive me insane. I miss my mom's leek and potato soup, I'd even take her crumby tendony chicken right about now. My roommate's family was here this week also and they fed me a homecooked dinner one night and I just about died.

At least when I'm missing Hillary when I'm home I can go for a drive in Rhonda and clear my head and blast my music, or wind down the streets of my town to the park, and hop out and smoke a cigarrette with my friend, or fall asleep in the green chair in the living room with my cat on my lap, watching the food network. But now I sound like my mother, which makes me even more miserable.

My roommate doesn't get back until tomorrow afternoon, so until then I am alone in this big old room. Loneliness is setting in.

I just hope Hillary knows how much I love her, and how much it meant to me that we could spend our one year anniversary together, and that we could start a new year together in Paris. As soon as I get home and we move into the apartment things will be absolutely blissful. I'm just hoping I don't feel this despondent for the next twenty-one days.