Fall

It has become apparent that fall has, at long last, arrived in London.

Much to my dismay, might I add, since I enjoy wearing short pants all year for the most part. The air is getting damp, the leaves are sweeping to the ground in little orange and red puddles. The evenings are chilly, and the bottoms of my jeans are often wet and grainy from being dragged all over the city.

It's almost not fair to have to sit in rooms and read about people who are very much alive in the pages of hundred year old texts, people who did things and loved and lived and lived, and we are cooped up and confined to a classroom and a white board, or a power point slide show or a visit to a museum where the professor will butcher a piece that otherwise would have brought a tear to your eye.

Fall always reminds me of walking to my house after school. The bus dropped me off a block away from my house, and I always remember the sudden surge of excitement at the end of the day when the last bell would ring and then that feeling of disappointment, sitting on the bus and bouncing up and down up and down and knowing it would all have to be done again tomorrow.

Walking home in the fall is particularly vibrant in my memory, probably because there are so many smells in the fall. I think there are far more fall smells than spring smells even. There's the smell of leaves, leaves that you couldn't smell all spring and summer and now that they have made their way to the ground you finally get a good wiff. And then there is rain. It rains a lot in the fall, at least in the Northeast (and in London, it is very very damp), and the smell of the rain falling from the sky, clinging desparately to the bare tree branches and the few remaining leaves. It's all very romantic.

I remember walking home and having nothing better to do than to have conversations with myself (this was before I had a car and I would just turn the stereo on high to drown out the thoughts in my head). Inner conversations of course, I'm not the crazy lady who talks out loud to herself (not yet anyway). I'd think about everything from algebra to charlemagne to why life was so hard to how I didn't think I could do it all over again tomorrow. High school was such a drag.

Sometimes while I was walking, I would look around and notice that I was all alone. I live in a bedroom community, my friends and my teachers and my mother know me, but none of my neighbours even know my name. I would feel so utterly alone. And then there would be a gentle breeze, and the leaves would all start to rustle. The leaves would be swept up with the wind, and they would kind of march alongside me, the breeze pushing them along.

The leaves walking alongside me in the gentle fall breeze always made me feel like I wasn't alone, like it was worth it to get up and do it all again tomorrow. I would cut through my backyard, which opens out onto a side-street, and slosh through the muddy grass. The leaves wouldn't roll alongside me in the grass, but it was okay because the gentle breeze remained and, not unlike the warm hugs of summer, the cool breezes of fall are also friendly and gentle in their own way.

It's strange to look back on times like those and think of how insignificant they felt then, and what lasting memories they have become.

I never feel alone in the fall. I feel like someone is watching me, a lot of the time, specifically in the fall, and I can't help but wonder if it isn't my daddy watching me, knowing that these months are the hardest for mom and I to get through. This year will be twelve years since he died. I always say I wouldn't give anything to see him again, to hear his voice, to touch his scratchy face, to play one round of basketball with him, but secretly I would. I know he's in the leaves, he's in the trees, he's in every raindrop and every muddied blade of grass. He's everywhere I am, everywhere I've been and everywhere I'm going. But it doesn't make me miss him any less.

I know it's just me being wishful and hoping that my daddy is watching over me, but I know it's just my heart and my mind playing tricks on me, hoping to see him walking up the path, open the door and catch my eight year old self flying into his waiting arms.

But it's just the breeze, and just the leaves rustling in the gentle changing of the weather. The sky is getting grey and the days are getting shorter. Soon it will be winter, and there will be frost on the bare tree limbs and the flowers will all be long dead.

I do miss being alone and introspective, I hope that there are still lonely and introspective teenagers out there, and that they don't feel so alone when they feel gentle breezes or rain drops that fall on bare cheeks. I hope no one feels so lonely when they hear the leaves rustling in the wind, and that everyone has a marvelously beautiful fall, wherever you are.

Love Your Neighbour as Yourself

One day an expert on Moses' laws came to test Jesus' orthodoxy by asking him this question: "Teacher, what does a man need to do to live forever in heaven?" Jesus replied, "What does Moses' law say about it?" "It says," he replied, "that you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind. And you must love your neighbor just as much as you love yourself." "Right!" Jesus told him. "Do this and you shall live!" The man wanted to justify (his lack of love for some kinds of people), so he asked, "Which neighbors?" Jesus replied with an illustration: "A Jew going on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes and money, and beat him up and left him lying half dead beside the road. "By chance a Jewish priest came along; and when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Jewish Temple-assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but then went on. "But a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw him, he felt deep pity. Kneeling beside him the Samaritan soothed his wounds with medicine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his donkey and walked along beside him till they came to an inn, where he nursed him through the night. The next day he handed the innkeeper two twenty-dollar bills and told him to take care of the man. 'If his bill runs higher than that,' he said, 'I'll pay the difference the next time I am here.' "Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the bandits' victim?" The man replied, "The one who showed him some pity." Then Jesus said, "Yes, now go and do the same." (TLB, Luke 10:25-37)

Hope everyone is having a great Sunday, and that everyone has a wonderful week.

Everyone Jump Upon the Peace Train

Now just tell me this song doesn't bring a smile to your heart :)

God bless all you who crave the Peace Train, who ride the Peace Train, who conduct the Peace Train into tomorrow.

And it's getting nearer, soon it will all be true :) God bless you Yusuf Islam, may every last person on this Earth hear the call of peace.

Happy October!

The Boys Wanna Be Her

We're seeing PEACHES... TONIGHT!

I am so effing excited I can hardly stand it. I love Peaches, and I hear her shows are absolutely out of control. She's probably the coolest chick who ever lived and if I go home with her, Hillary totally can't be upset with me.

But no, for reals, that would never happen.

But I am VERY excited about seeing Peaches and dancing and being up until 3 am. I hope I get a picture with her, she's doing a DJ set so it's not like she'll be up on a stage or anything. Totally going to get her autograph :)

If you're in London tonight go to the Bath House and see Peaches!

Love Dares You to Care For the People

This is our selves... under pressure

I always idolized Freddie Mercury (who doesn't, though?). Ever since I've gotten to London, "Under Pressure" is on repeat in my brain. I feel like this song is a great characterisation of this city (or any city for that matter). Everyone is doing their own thing and they forget that they aren't the only person on the face of the earth.

You should check out my other blog: Across the Pond and comment on my posts! I'm having a fantastic adventure in London so far :)

You Can Hear the Whistle Blow a Hundred Miles

Mary Travers, of Peter, Paul and Mary has died at the age of 72.

It's a very sad day for folk music, for the generation of peace loving individuals who sprouted out of the 1960's, and for people like me who were raised with the tenants of peace and love and grew up listening to artists like Mary Travers.

She was not only radiantly beautiful, but she was kind, and courageous, and she had a damn good voice.

If I Had a Hammer

I'll always remember listening to her on tape, riding my bike around the neighbourhood, or watching Peter, Paul and Mary on the television and feeling completely connected to the lyrics they sang.

The saddest part of the death of such an icon for the peace movement is that there seems to be no one taking up the torch for the cause. I have no power, or fame, or money or really very much talent, or else I would have taken up the cause long ago. People with power, with sway, with the funds to do wonderful things and the talent to command people to listen just simply are not using those gifts for the right purposes. I hope someone comes along, sooner rather than later, who will remind us that justice, freedom and love are the three greatest gifts. I also hope that before any more wars start, that we might be reminded of where all the flowers have gone.

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

New Blog

I've created a new blog where I'm going to compile all of my pictures, thoughts, adventures, etc. from London over the next four months or so.

The blog is called Across the Pond

I suspect I'll do a great deal of blogging from that one, so things might get kind of dead around here for a while. However, I do like to come here and rant and rave so I suspect if I ever feel the need to do that, I'll come here.

This is basically my way of saying that, if you want to keep up with what's going on in London, or what's going on with me, you should probably look up my new blog. But don't forget about The Ray! 201 posts later and still going strong! Check in every now and then here to see if anything is going on, but definitely check out the new blog, I think it will definitely be worth your while!