If you're reading this right now, I mean anyone at all, whether you've commented on my blog before or if you're just passing through...
I have a question for you.
If I moved to Canada, would that be giving up and admitting defeat?
I love my country, my country that hates me. I love Canada too, but it's not my home.
I'm giving strong consideration to finishing off undergrad, applying to graduate programs in Canada and applying for permanent residence in Canada.
Is that giving up?
Please, I need an objective opinion. You may not know me (though if you read my blog, you certainly know a great deal about me), and you may not care to know me, but I need you advice, as an objective party.
Thanks in advance.
- Rachel
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Doesn't Anyone Understand?
We toured Toledo today. The city is very beautiful, very old but very very beautiful. We saw the oldest synogogue in Western Europe. It's no longer a working synogogue, but now more of a museum. For a long time in Toledo there were three groups, Jews, Christians and Muslims. The three groups lived in relative peace and harmony, as far as any records can tell.
Then Queen Isabella came and ruined it all and had all the synogogues torn down and all the jews basically converted or killed. Very unpleasant times indeed.
The Spanish didn't take part in WWII (from what I recall from high school history lessons), because they were dealing with their own civil war at the time. Francisco Franco, the fascist dictator of Spain from the 30's until relatively recently, being a facist, let Hitler use his country and his people for target practice for testing out bombs and weapons of destruction. That's where Picasso's famous "Guernica" comes in (I'm seeing it tomorrow, I hope I don't weep). Joan Miro, my most favourite artist, has some very insightful pieces reflecting on the civil war and the years of tumolt for Spain. We went to the Miro museum in Barcelona, which was such an astonishing experience for me. The first time I saw a Miro first hand was in Hartford in 2004, I believe, at the Athenium (if you're from Connecticut you've probably been at one time or another, it's very small but it's a cute museum and I believe it's the oldest public art museum in the United States, but I could be mistaken). He is a contemporary artist, and most of his works seem very primitive and unrealistic, but what you really must do is look beyond the figures, the paint, the frame, the palet, and make the painting something for you. I like art that becomes whatever you want it to become.
But this wasn't meant to be a rant about Miro.
In Toledo today, I noticed there to be a lot of graffiti of swastikas. I don't understand how anyone, particularly someone in Europe, particularly someone whose country suffered under a fascist dictator for decades, could possibly promote the fascist way. Don't they know how their parents and grandparents suffered? Don't they know how all the people of Europe suffered? Fleeing from bombs falling here and there, shrapnal everywhere, air raids, no food, never knowing if you'd live to see tomorrow or if your children would live to see the end of the war. Or worse, if you were one of the direct victims of the fascists, if they stuck you in a ghetto and then huddled you into a cramped box car and sent you off to never be seen or heard from again. Spain is a Catholic nation, don't they know what the Nazis did to the Catholics? Don't they know, don't they understand? How can anyone draw the swastika without silently killing their soul?
Sadly those aren't the first swastikas I've seen in Europe. There is a little shrine, with candles and swastikas in chalk on a stoop near my school in London (in one of the most affluent neighbourhoods in London, might I add). I got so angry and sad when I saw it, that I blew both the candles out, and I don't even care if CCTV saw me do it. They're English, the Nazis tried to wipe London off the map of the world, don't they understand?
On a MUCH happier note, I just got word that Obama signed the Hate Crimes Bill into LAW! How awesome is that?
Perhaps there is hope after all. Yes, I'd say there is a lot of hope. Things are getting better all the time :)
http://www.hrc.org/13699.htm
Miro, 1973, "The Smile of a Tear" very appropriate for today
Then Queen Isabella came and ruined it all and had all the synogogues torn down and all the jews basically converted or killed. Very unpleasant times indeed.
The Spanish didn't take part in WWII (from what I recall from high school history lessons), because they were dealing with their own civil war at the time. Francisco Franco, the fascist dictator of Spain from the 30's until relatively recently, being a facist, let Hitler use his country and his people for target practice for testing out bombs and weapons of destruction. That's where Picasso's famous "Guernica" comes in (I'm seeing it tomorrow, I hope I don't weep). Joan Miro, my most favourite artist, has some very insightful pieces reflecting on the civil war and the years of tumolt for Spain. We went to the Miro museum in Barcelona, which was such an astonishing experience for me. The first time I saw a Miro first hand was in Hartford in 2004, I believe, at the Athenium (if you're from Connecticut you've probably been at one time or another, it's very small but it's a cute museum and I believe it's the oldest public art museum in the United States, but I could be mistaken). He is a contemporary artist, and most of his works seem very primitive and unrealistic, but what you really must do is look beyond the figures, the paint, the frame, the palet, and make the painting something for you. I like art that becomes whatever you want it to become.
But this wasn't meant to be a rant about Miro.
In Toledo today, I noticed there to be a lot of graffiti of swastikas. I don't understand how anyone, particularly someone in Europe, particularly someone whose country suffered under a fascist dictator for decades, could possibly promote the fascist way. Don't they know how their parents and grandparents suffered? Don't they know how all the people of Europe suffered? Fleeing from bombs falling here and there, shrapnal everywhere, air raids, no food, never knowing if you'd live to see tomorrow or if your children would live to see the end of the war. Or worse, if you were one of the direct victims of the fascists, if they stuck you in a ghetto and then huddled you into a cramped box car and sent you off to never be seen or heard from again. Spain is a Catholic nation, don't they know what the Nazis did to the Catholics? Don't they know, don't they understand? How can anyone draw the swastika without silently killing their soul?
Sadly those aren't the first swastikas I've seen in Europe. There is a little shrine, with candles and swastikas in chalk on a stoop near my school in London (in one of the most affluent neighbourhoods in London, might I add). I got so angry and sad when I saw it, that I blew both the candles out, and I don't even care if CCTV saw me do it. They're English, the Nazis tried to wipe London off the map of the world, don't they understand?
On a MUCH happier note, I just got word that Obama signed the Hate Crimes Bill into LAW! How awesome is that?
Perhaps there is hope after all. Yes, I'd say there is a lot of hope. Things are getting better all the time :)
http://www.hrc.org/13699.htm
Miro, 1973, "The Smile of a Tear" very appropriate for today
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I'm An American Too
I've had a few hours between what happened earlier today and the present that I feel I have enough mental clarity on the issue so as to write about it. It started off as an average Thursday, went to class at 9:30, went to my next class at 11:00, sat through class, had peanut lovers chex mix for breakfast/lunch, and went back to class for lab.
So we're sitting there, shooting the shit getting ready for class to start. Then this kid comes in and starts handing out flyers on the presidential candidates with information about them. So everyone is reading the flyers and not working on the assignment (because it's lab and no one really cares, after all it's only our grade and our most crucial class as psychology majors) and we all get to having a political debate. I, unbeknownst to me, have been sitting in the Republican/too moderate to care/apathetic section of the room. I'll explain.
This guy from the front of the class went to the table behind me and was talking to my friends at the table, telling them all about the wonders of John McCain and what an ass Barack Obama is. I was pretty fed up with the conversation so I tuned out until he said something along the lines of "I don't know why anyone would vote for Barack Obama," which set me off. I couldn't not say anything anymore so I turned around and told him that I was voting for Barack Obama, because besides the fact that the things he takes issue with are the things I believe in, he has never publicly said that he does not want me to be able to have a family some day. John McCain has PUBLICLY said he believes gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt children, to raise children, to be parents. I told this kid who was running his mouth that I was voting for the candidate who I feel stands the best chance of providing me with a secure future where I can marry whomever I choose and have a family.
To which this student replied "Then move to Canada."
To which I started screaming at him.
To which all of my friends started screaming at him and demanding that he apologise.
To which he said he didn't mean it that way.
To which I responded that I am as much an American as he is and that just because I am gay doesn't make me any less of an American, and certainly does not mean I should have to abandon MY COUNTRY simply because of something I have absolutely no control over.
He started laughing uncomfortably, because everyone was yelling at him and demanding that he apologise, so he did apologise and that was that.
But it still hurts. How day he say that to me, that I should have to leave my homeland simply because I'm gay and my rights aren't acknowledged in this country? I should have to leave. America doesn't want me here. Well I'm AS MUCH IF NOT MORE of an American as that jackass has ever been or will ever be. I love this country, I would die for this country and for freedom. I love Canada, and I am Canadian, but I was born and raised in this country.
Just because I am openly gay, does that mean I have effectively renounced my citizenship? I'm a pacifist and I don't believe that violence solves anything, but I had such a strong desire to jump across the desk and ring his neck. If I could go back and do it again I probably would hit him so hard. I don't know if I'm angrier that he effectively told me that I am less of an American than his pompous ass just because I'm gay, or the fact that I don't think I've ever wanted to physically hurt someone so much and he caused that anger in me. How dare he. How dare he.
So we're sitting there, shooting the shit getting ready for class to start. Then this kid comes in and starts handing out flyers on the presidential candidates with information about them. So everyone is reading the flyers and not working on the assignment (because it's lab and no one really cares, after all it's only our grade and our most crucial class as psychology majors) and we all get to having a political debate. I, unbeknownst to me, have been sitting in the Republican/too moderate to care/apathetic section of the room. I'll explain.
This guy from the front of the class went to the table behind me and was talking to my friends at the table, telling them all about the wonders of John McCain and what an ass Barack Obama is. I was pretty fed up with the conversation so I tuned out until he said something along the lines of "I don't know why anyone would vote for Barack Obama," which set me off. I couldn't not say anything anymore so I turned around and told him that I was voting for Barack Obama, because besides the fact that the things he takes issue with are the things I believe in, he has never publicly said that he does not want me to be able to have a family some day. John McCain has PUBLICLY said he believes gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt children, to raise children, to be parents. I told this kid who was running his mouth that I was voting for the candidate who I feel stands the best chance of providing me with a secure future where I can marry whomever I choose and have a family.
To which this student replied "Then move to Canada."
To which I started screaming at him.
To which all of my friends started screaming at him and demanding that he apologise.
To which he said he didn't mean it that way.
To which I responded that I am as much an American as he is and that just because I am gay doesn't make me any less of an American, and certainly does not mean I should have to abandon MY COUNTRY simply because of something I have absolutely no control over.
He started laughing uncomfortably, because everyone was yelling at him and demanding that he apologise, so he did apologise and that was that.
But it still hurts. How day he say that to me, that I should have to leave my homeland simply because I'm gay and my rights aren't acknowledged in this country? I should have to leave. America doesn't want me here. Well I'm AS MUCH IF NOT MORE of an American as that jackass has ever been or will ever be. I love this country, I would die for this country and for freedom. I love Canada, and I am Canadian, but I was born and raised in this country.
Just because I am openly gay, does that mean I have effectively renounced my citizenship? I'm a pacifist and I don't believe that violence solves anything, but I had such a strong desire to jump across the desk and ring his neck. If I could go back and do it again I probably would hit him so hard. I don't know if I'm angrier that he effectively told me that I am less of an American than his pompous ass just because I'm gay, or the fact that I don't think I've ever wanted to physically hurt someone so much and he caused that anger in me. How dare he. How dare he.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
The World I Want
I saw a movie last night that I need to share.
The movie we watched was called "Everything is Illuminated." It was a really beautiful film about a young man going to the Ukraine in search of the woman who saved his grandfather from being killed by the NAZIs, in the end though he discovers that his grandfather was saved by the fact that he left the village to go to America a week before the NAZIs arrived. He left behind his wife and his unborn child, whom he was going to America to find a better home for. It was such a beautiful movie because I feel like we all wonder about our past like that, but most people aren't fortunate enough to be able to piece the clues together.
I am part Ukrainian, and my family has a very similar story to this movie, which may have been why I was so deeply moved (besides the fact that the message is so powerful). My mother's father was born in this country at the end of the first world war to Polish and Ukrainian immigrants. The way I've always heard the story, the men came to this country before the women (around the turn of the century) and were followed by the women and children after they had homes and jobs. Family had to be left behind of course, not everyone could or wanted to come. Care packages were sent on a regular basis, and letters were sent and received consistently. The line of communication was never lost between the family. By the time the second world war rolled around, the family in this country was scrambling to keep track of the family in Europe.
Eventually, the family stopped responding to letters and packages sent.
The assumtion always was that they were casualties of war. But no one knows exactly what happened to them, or if there were any survivors at all. We probably never will know.
Hate is so big, and so difficult to overcome. It's so easy to hate the NAZIs for killing our friends and families, and for hating us for no reason at all. But nothing will ever be resolved by fighting hate with hate. Violence begats violence, hate perpetuates hate. I don't hate the NAZIs for killing a family I never got the chance to know, or for shaking the world with so much hatred. I love the beauty in life, spring flowers and chirping birds, light rain on a cloudy afternoon, fresh air and sunshine forever. I don't understand hate, I never will. But I do understand love, and I know the world I want for myself, and for my family. The world I want is love.
The movie we watched was called "Everything is Illuminated." It was a really beautiful film about a young man going to the Ukraine in search of the woman who saved his grandfather from being killed by the NAZIs, in the end though he discovers that his grandfather was saved by the fact that he left the village to go to America a week before the NAZIs arrived. He left behind his wife and his unborn child, whom he was going to America to find a better home for. It was such a beautiful movie because I feel like we all wonder about our past like that, but most people aren't fortunate enough to be able to piece the clues together.
I am part Ukrainian, and my family has a very similar story to this movie, which may have been why I was so deeply moved (besides the fact that the message is so powerful). My mother's father was born in this country at the end of the first world war to Polish and Ukrainian immigrants. The way I've always heard the story, the men came to this country before the women (around the turn of the century) and were followed by the women and children after they had homes and jobs. Family had to be left behind of course, not everyone could or wanted to come. Care packages were sent on a regular basis, and letters were sent and received consistently. The line of communication was never lost between the family. By the time the second world war rolled around, the family in this country was scrambling to keep track of the family in Europe.
Eventually, the family stopped responding to letters and packages sent.
The assumtion always was that they were casualties of war. But no one knows exactly what happened to them, or if there were any survivors at all. We probably never will know.
Hate is so big, and so difficult to overcome. It's so easy to hate the NAZIs for killing our friends and families, and for hating us for no reason at all. But nothing will ever be resolved by fighting hate with hate. Violence begats violence, hate perpetuates hate. I don't hate the NAZIs for killing a family I never got the chance to know, or for shaking the world with so much hatred. I love the beauty in life, spring flowers and chirping birds, light rain on a cloudy afternoon, fresh air and sunshine forever. I don't understand hate, I never will. But I do understand love, and I know the world I want for myself, and for my family. The world I want is love.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
If I had a Hammer
There are some things in life that simply do not make sense. For example, hate, it just doesn't make any sense. If you go along with the mentality that God (yes I believe that there is a God, yes I am a Christian, yes I disagree with all of the radical Christian ideologies) created everything, why would God create hate? The fundamentalists would tell you that God didn't create Gays, or Jews, or Muslims, or Mexicans, or any group that doesn't fit into their view of the perfect Christian world. I believe that God created everything equally, every flower, every baby, every thought. It is as difficult for me to rationalise hate as it is for the fundamentalists to rationalise alternative viewpoints.
I had a discussion with a friend of mine the other night about hate. My opinion is that hate is the manifestation of misplaced fear. The Communists feared a popular uprising against the party, so they propogated hate of capitalism. The Nazis feared everyone and everything that went against what they stood for, so the spread the hate of everyone who wasn't a blonde haired, blue eyed, Protestant of Nordic ancestry. George Bush and his cronies feared being caught in a web of lies they invented when they knew they couldn't protect the people to the uptmost, so they propogated hate of muslims, not just muslim extremeists, but anyone from the middle east. It's always someone else's fault. Why can't we, as a society, as a culture, as a human race admit that we have been led astray, that we are mistook, and it is all our fault. But we will do everything in our power to fix it.
That's the clincher, we won't do everything in our power to fix it because, well, we're lazy. It's so much easier to blame someone else and have them have to pick up the pieces.
Uncertainty breeds fear, and fear breeds hate. The fact of the matter is, uncertainty is an integral part of life. Nothing is certain. You may go to take a shower today, lather your hair, drop some suds, and slip and fall and never get back up. Or it may be the most uneventful shower of your life. God only knows.
So stop breeding hate, stop caring about uncertainty, more importantly stop fearing it. There are two things which are certain in life, and no they are not "death and taxes." Life, in any capacity and eventual sunshine are the only certain things in life. Life and sunshine, though fleeting, will happen.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hiMve1ggjnI&feature=related
I had a discussion with a friend of mine the other night about hate. My opinion is that hate is the manifestation of misplaced fear. The Communists feared a popular uprising against the party, so they propogated hate of capitalism. The Nazis feared everyone and everything that went against what they stood for, so the spread the hate of everyone who wasn't a blonde haired, blue eyed, Protestant of Nordic ancestry. George Bush and his cronies feared being caught in a web of lies they invented when they knew they couldn't protect the people to the uptmost, so they propogated hate of muslims, not just muslim extremeists, but anyone from the middle east. It's always someone else's fault. Why can't we, as a society, as a culture, as a human race admit that we have been led astray, that we are mistook, and it is all our fault. But we will do everything in our power to fix it.
That's the clincher, we won't do everything in our power to fix it because, well, we're lazy. It's so much easier to blame someone else and have them have to pick up the pieces.
Uncertainty breeds fear, and fear breeds hate. The fact of the matter is, uncertainty is an integral part of life. Nothing is certain. You may go to take a shower today, lather your hair, drop some suds, and slip and fall and never get back up. Or it may be the most uneventful shower of your life. God only knows.
So stop breeding hate, stop caring about uncertainty, more importantly stop fearing it. There are two things which are certain in life, and no they are not "death and taxes." Life, in any capacity and eventual sunshine are the only certain things in life. Life and sunshine, though fleeting, will happen.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hiMve1ggjnI&feature=related
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