Showing posts with label LGBT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGBT. Show all posts
Friday, February 8, 2013
Gettin' Hitched
It's really funny. I honestly never really thought about getting married or any of that. Lots of people spend their whole lives dreaming about their wedding day, and spend months or years making that day extravagant.
But I'm just kind of like meh, if I'm married to Carrie at the end of the day that's really all that matters.
Life has been crazy ever since I graduated from college in May 2011. I had been blogging pretty sporadically before then, but after I graduated, and had to abruptly move home that summer, and then I moved to Philadelphia in fall 2011... I just really lost track of things with this blog. I've said it before and I'll say it again now, I am going to make an effort to post here. Because not to toot my own horn but I lead a pretty random, weird, and fascinating (at times!) life.
The wedding is on June 29, 2013 in Connecticut. There has been lots of drama surrounding the wedding, but for now I will leave you with some pictures of Carrie and I.
As for school, I am in my fourth semester of seminary, loving it, getting lots of hands on ministry experience. I have A LOT to say about being a queer person in ministry, but I will save that for another time.
Cheers, and I will be back soon!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Finding Love and Acceptance
The coming out process is often very difficult for the individual identifying as GLBT or Q. Sometimes (and in fact, more often than not) it is also difficult for that individual's family and friends. I have been blessed with family and friends who could not care less, and who truly desire only that I be happy. Many people, when coming out, hear family members or friends say that they only want their happiness, but in the end if they cannot conform to their family/friends' picture of their happiness, they become unhappy (or at the very worst, insane trying to conform).
It is a struggle to accept who one is, particularly if one does not fit the bill for the "normal" person (obviously depending upon one's culture, gender, upbringing, etc.) That struggle is only compounded when one can't truly be oneself around the most important people, or when family or friends are perpetually of the belief that in time, one can change. Sexuality is fluid, but not so fluid as to completely alter one's mindset.
What I'm trying desperately to say is that, if you have ever come out, you know how terrifying it can be. You know how lonely is can feel, even though so many people have done it before you and so many will follow. If you haven't come out, or you are struggling, don't isolate yourself from the people around you. They love you and they want the best for you. If at the end of the day they don't make you feel good about yourself, let them know. If they make you outright feel bad about yourself, cut them out of your life as best you can, and make sure they are aware that they are loosing you, you are not loosing them.
The phrase "all you need is love" is only partially true, and perhaps misleading. We all need love, yes, but we also need to love ourselves. If you don't love yourself you cannot POSSIBLY love anyone else, and if you don't respect yourself you cannot respect anyone else. Certainly love and respect come from within, but they are taught from without, and a great deal of learning is necessary when one sees the lack of love and respect in one's life. If you have no love in your life, find it, and find it within yourself before you go looking for it with someone else. We are all very good at something or another, and when you find what it is, cling to it with iron talons.
I'm so grateful to the people who love me, and I know if I told them that they would be glad to hear me say it, but also sad that it is necessary to be thankful for love and acceptance when both of those things should be given freely. I hope that everyone who is struggling to accept themselves can come to find love, acceptance and peace with themselves.
It is a struggle to accept who one is, particularly if one does not fit the bill for the "normal" person (obviously depending upon one's culture, gender, upbringing, etc.) That struggle is only compounded when one can't truly be oneself around the most important people, or when family or friends are perpetually of the belief that in time, one can change. Sexuality is fluid, but not so fluid as to completely alter one's mindset.
What I'm trying desperately to say is that, if you have ever come out, you know how terrifying it can be. You know how lonely is can feel, even though so many people have done it before you and so many will follow. If you haven't come out, or you are struggling, don't isolate yourself from the people around you. They love you and they want the best for you. If at the end of the day they don't make you feel good about yourself, let them know. If they make you outright feel bad about yourself, cut them out of your life as best you can, and make sure they are aware that they are loosing you, you are not loosing them.
The phrase "all you need is love" is only partially true, and perhaps misleading. We all need love, yes, but we also need to love ourselves. If you don't love yourself you cannot POSSIBLY love anyone else, and if you don't respect yourself you cannot respect anyone else. Certainly love and respect come from within, but they are taught from without, and a great deal of learning is necessary when one sees the lack of love and respect in one's life. If you have no love in your life, find it, and find it within yourself before you go looking for it with someone else. We are all very good at something or another, and when you find what it is, cling to it with iron talons.
I'm so grateful to the people who love me, and I know if I told them that they would be glad to hear me say it, but also sad that it is necessary to be thankful for love and acceptance when both of those things should be given freely. I hope that everyone who is struggling to accept themselves can come to find love, acceptance and peace with themselves.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
This boy is a hero
Will Phillips, a 10 year old elementary-schooler from Arkansas, is exercising his Constitutional right to stand in silence while the Pledge of Allegiance is recited. He refuses to recite the pledge because, in his belief, it does not apply to all Americans, namely GLBT Americans.
God bless this young man, and take care of him too. It's hard to fight for what's right, but he is 10 and he is standing up to his peers and his teachers and his administrators and saying "Something is not right with this country, and this 'pledge' does not apply to all Americans." When I was 10 I thought about art class and what I would make today, I thought about playing my squeeky and shrill violin, I thought about playing on the playscape and avoiding getting splinters, about petting the horses behind the elementary school during recess. I didn't much think about things that were bigger than the immediate future, much less things that were any bigger than just me. We need more adults (and kids) like Will Phillips, what a brave young man.
Will Phillips, a 10 year old elementary-schooler from Arkansas, is exercising his Constitutional right to stand in silence while the Pledge of Allegiance is recited. He refuses to recite the pledge because, in his belief, it does not apply to all Americans, namely GLBT Americans.
God bless this young man, and take care of him too. It's hard to fight for what's right, but he is 10 and he is standing up to his peers and his teachers and his administrators and saying "Something is not right with this country, and this 'pledge' does not apply to all Americans." When I was 10 I thought about art class and what I would make today, I thought about playing my squeeky and shrill violin, I thought about playing on the playscape and avoiding getting splinters, about petting the horses behind the elementary school during recess. I didn't much think about things that were bigger than the immediate future, much less things that were any bigger than just me. We need more adults (and kids) like Will Phillips, what a brave young man.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Mr. Obama and the Human Rights Campaign
I watched this for the first time tonight.
Despite my feelings regarding the president at the current time (call it disillusionment, all the hype from the election turned into a huge post-election let down, but everyone can identify with that, within and without the LGBT community), I think the man did a good job. Whether he did a good job of pulling the wool over our eyes or whether he sincerely meant what he said, it doesn't really matter.
The fact of the matter is, there is progress. It is slow. Much slower than it should be. Much slower, I think, than anyone expected it would be. Perhaps even in my lifetime there will still be mountains to climb.
But as a hiker, I suppose, I have to admit that the unclimbed mountains are far more alluring than those which are climbed daily. The unchartered waves are more daring than the warm bay waters. The forest is more tempting than the field.
We can all feel this movement heating up, swelling around us, becoming bigger with every pulse in every vein in every crowd at every rally.
And in the end, we know that love wins. Love always wins. Love wins in Revelations, oh you who would quote God's word. Love wins in every story ever written. And if you would argue that no, love does not always win, I would tell you to read between the lines, and perhaps then you would see that yes, in fact, love does win.
This is about the pinnacle. The peak. Triumphing over hate. The journey there is long and arduous. Dangerous, perilous, often sorrowful. But some day, in some sleepy little down in America, a little child is going to read in their history books about how LGBT individuals were persecuted, and with the hard work, dedication and compassion of LGBT individuals, leaders and supporters, they overcame and are now treated as equals.
And that little child won't be afraid to be who they are,
because love always wins in the end.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Spirit in the Sky
I go back to school on Monday!! DEAR GOD I AM OVERJOYED!! I'm going to miss my best friends (Molly, I know you're reading this, love ya!), but I've missed my school friends for nearly four months now. I NEED TO GET BACK TO MY LIFE! I feel like summer sucked my soul right out of me. Well, summer, I shake my fist at you! I'm going back to school!!
I didn't go to church today for the second to last Thursday evening service of the summer, and the last service I will be able to attend until probably Thanksgiving (or Molly's birthday). But I don't feel bad, because I said goodbye to my church family already. And God is always with me. Can't get away from that Guy/Girl/Thing :-P
Here's a little summit I wrote:
When I walk across my college campus, I no longer notice the golden cross on top of the main building gleaming in the sunlight. I don’t stop to read the “have you prayed today?” flyers strewn haphazardly in front of the elevator. No one stops me on my way to class to demand that I go back to my dorm and change out of my “marriage is so gay” t-shirt. I go about my day at my Catholic college with no intrusion from the religious right.
When I have the opportunity to catch up with what is going on in the rest of the world, I find myself disenchanted, more often than not. We are constantly bombarded with war, murder, disease, and all the things that dominate the media.
As members of the GLBT community we are perpetually flooded, externally and internally, by the views of people who have no tolerance for anything that goes against societal norms. It is unfortunate that religion has emerged as the “enemy” of the GLBT community. It is equally unfortunate that the GLBT community is viewed as the enemy to the religious community. Both have something to contribute to modern society, and have contributed wonderful things throughout history.
The purpose of religion has always been all inclusion. Christ didn’t preach love, compassion and acceptance to one generation alone. The 10 Commandments weren’t created solely for the few Israelites who escaped persecution in Egypt. It is impossible to please everyone at any given point in time, which is why the major world religions have stood the test of time. What the modern religious community lacks is the ability to tolerate, not necessarily embrace, anything that goes against their view of "right." My view of "right" as a Protestant differs from a Catholic view of right. The view of someone from the northeast differs from the view of someone from the deep south. All Christians are certainly not the same, just as all Americans are not the same, and no two people are ever the same.
When you are baptized a Christian, the person officiating the ceremony doesn't say "Do you reject Satan? Do you promise to blow up abortion clinics and raise hell for homosexuals?" Many Christian churches (I can't speak for any other body of faith because I am unfamiliar with anything else) preach tolerance. Not only do they preach tolerance, many preach acceptance and embracing everyone, regardless of who they are or where they come from. I'm a Lutheran, who goes to a VERY Catholic college, and I'm gay, and I'm out. I have a great relationship with the religious leaders at my school, who have no issue with our difference of opinion on many matters of faith or the fact that I'm openly gay. I can walk across campus holding my girlfriend’s hand and I don’t have to worry about awkward stares or disapproving glances. I’m very fortunate to go to a liberal school, in a liberal part of the country. Many are not so fortunate.
Truly, no one should have a problem with anyone else, particularly for matters beyond their control. There are tons of close-minded people out there running their mouths who say hateful things, but they aren't speaking for the entire Christian family. They are speaking for themselves and their close-minded drone followers. The things they say hurt me more as a Christian than a lesbian, because they give Christians and religious individuals very bad names. Christ never preached hatred of any group or any individual person. Christ invited any person with a desire to lead a good life to believe in Him and be saved. I believe that God gave us all free will for a purpose, and we certainly don’t live in the same times as when the Bible was written. We all have the intellect to choose our own paths and to determine our own right and wrong.
We have so little time that it is wasteful to care about the action or inaction of others. People are bound to dislike each other, for one reason or another. Everyone goes into every situation with preconceptions, something that is unavoidable and human. No one is perfect, and no one can be expected to be perfect. All anyone can ever be the best person they can be. However, everyone’s definition of what the best person is will be different for every individual. Which is why people need to be dealt with on an individual basis. Just because someone is a Christian, or a lesbian, or even a Christian lesbian, doesn’t mean they will share the same points of view as I do.
Only when we stop viewing people by their “fundamentalists” or “gay” or “Christian” or “Middle Eastern” labels and start viewing them as individuals will the barriers we have built between ourselves crumble and we can live as people, all trying to live on the same planet.
I didn't go to church today for the second to last Thursday evening service of the summer, and the last service I will be able to attend until probably Thanksgiving (or Molly's birthday). But I don't feel bad, because I said goodbye to my church family already. And God is always with me. Can't get away from that Guy/Girl/Thing :-P
Here's a little summit I wrote:
When I walk across my college campus, I no longer notice the golden cross on top of the main building gleaming in the sunlight. I don’t stop to read the “have you prayed today?” flyers strewn haphazardly in front of the elevator. No one stops me on my way to class to demand that I go back to my dorm and change out of my “marriage is so gay” t-shirt. I go about my day at my Catholic college with no intrusion from the religious right.
When I have the opportunity to catch up with what is going on in the rest of the world, I find myself disenchanted, more often than not. We are constantly bombarded with war, murder, disease, and all the things that dominate the media.
As members of the GLBT community we are perpetually flooded, externally and internally, by the views of people who have no tolerance for anything that goes against societal norms. It is unfortunate that religion has emerged as the “enemy” of the GLBT community. It is equally unfortunate that the GLBT community is viewed as the enemy to the religious community. Both have something to contribute to modern society, and have contributed wonderful things throughout history.
The purpose of religion has always been all inclusion. Christ didn’t preach love, compassion and acceptance to one generation alone. The 10 Commandments weren’t created solely for the few Israelites who escaped persecution in Egypt. It is impossible to please everyone at any given point in time, which is why the major world religions have stood the test of time. What the modern religious community lacks is the ability to tolerate, not necessarily embrace, anything that goes against their view of "right." My view of "right" as a Protestant differs from a Catholic view of right. The view of someone from the northeast differs from the view of someone from the deep south. All Christians are certainly not the same, just as all Americans are not the same, and no two people are ever the same.
When you are baptized a Christian, the person officiating the ceremony doesn't say "Do you reject Satan? Do you promise to blow up abortion clinics and raise hell for homosexuals?" Many Christian churches (I can't speak for any other body of faith because I am unfamiliar with anything else) preach tolerance. Not only do they preach tolerance, many preach acceptance and embracing everyone, regardless of who they are or where they come from. I'm a Lutheran, who goes to a VERY Catholic college, and I'm gay, and I'm out. I have a great relationship with the religious leaders at my school, who have no issue with our difference of opinion on many matters of faith or the fact that I'm openly gay. I can walk across campus holding my girlfriend’s hand and I don’t have to worry about awkward stares or disapproving glances. I’m very fortunate to go to a liberal school, in a liberal part of the country. Many are not so fortunate.
Truly, no one should have a problem with anyone else, particularly for matters beyond their control. There are tons of close-minded people out there running their mouths who say hateful things, but they aren't speaking for the entire Christian family. They are speaking for themselves and their close-minded drone followers. The things they say hurt me more as a Christian than a lesbian, because they give Christians and religious individuals very bad names. Christ never preached hatred of any group or any individual person. Christ invited any person with a desire to lead a good life to believe in Him and be saved. I believe that God gave us all free will for a purpose, and we certainly don’t live in the same times as when the Bible was written. We all have the intellect to choose our own paths and to determine our own right and wrong.
We have so little time that it is wasteful to care about the action or inaction of others. People are bound to dislike each other, for one reason or another. Everyone goes into every situation with preconceptions, something that is unavoidable and human. No one is perfect, and no one can be expected to be perfect. All anyone can ever be the best person they can be. However, everyone’s definition of what the best person is will be different for every individual. Which is why people need to be dealt with on an individual basis. Just because someone is a Christian, or a lesbian, or even a Christian lesbian, doesn’t mean they will share the same points of view as I do.
Only when we stop viewing people by their “fundamentalists” or “gay” or “Christian” or “Middle Eastern” labels and start viewing them as individuals will the barriers we have built between ourselves crumble and we can live as people, all trying to live on the same planet.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Back Into My Head
I'm usually very content with my life and the way things are going, particularly now that I'm relatively happy in the decisions I make and have made in the recent past.
I'm very happy about my choice in college, my choice in majors, what I plan to do with my future, the friends I have made and retained, my relationships in my family, etc. Quitting my job made me kind of sad, but I hated it (I did quit, by the by...). I feel confident that I will be a productive member of society in whatever I pursue after college, after graduate school, etc.
I want to help LGBTQ teens/young adults, that's what I REALLY want to do. I just want to hug them all and tell them that it's really going to be okay. I wish someone had done that for me when I was 12, 14, 16. Thankfully I did have someone to literally hug me and tell me that it really was okay, which led to my coming out (for the most part). I also want to open up my own practice, and I won't overcharge people. I think there is a HUGE mental health crisis in this nation in particular that needs to be remedied. I'd like to help in any way I can.
But I very often find myself getting into a weird funk about being a big lez. I love myself. I took me a long time to get to the point where I could love myself, but I really do. But sometimes I wonder and get scared.
I'm scared that I'll never be able to find her. I'm scared that she doesn't exist, or that I'll find her too late in life. I'm scared that I don't open up my heart enough for her, so that even if I do find her, she won't know it's me, she won't know we're meant to be together. I've been hurt, really bad, and I'm over it emotionally, but I still have the "scars" to prove it so to speak. One of the scars is my reluctance to get too emotional.
I'm scared that I'll never be able to get married, when and if I do find her. We'll fall in love and live in a cozy house somewhere, and she'll have her job and I'll have mine, and we'll have a managerie of animals, but we'll never have the same rights as heterosexual couples. People will stare at us when we walk down the street holding hands. They'll never let us adopt or go through invetro, or those things will be too expensive. I fear that things just won't go our way.
I wonder if my family will accept me. I wonder if my family will accept my partner. I wonder if they'll say the cruel things about me that they do about other homosexuals, minorities, etc. I wonder if they will love me less.
I wonder if my pastor, if my church community, will accept me and will accept my partner. I am a religious person, and I love the community I have come to know. If they couldn't accept me, I don't know what I would do.
I'm just worried about all these things that I have absolutely no control over. I think the scariest aspect is that I am powerless, the people who love me and accept me are powerless. I just want everything to be okay. I can't be straight, I've tried so hard, but I just can't. I wish I felt like it was okay to be me. Usually I do, but when I get into moods like this I feel like it's never going to be okay ever again.
I'm very happy about my choice in college, my choice in majors, what I plan to do with my future, the friends I have made and retained, my relationships in my family, etc. Quitting my job made me kind of sad, but I hated it (I did quit, by the by...). I feel confident that I will be a productive member of society in whatever I pursue after college, after graduate school, etc.
I want to help LGBTQ teens/young adults, that's what I REALLY want to do. I just want to hug them all and tell them that it's really going to be okay. I wish someone had done that for me when I was 12, 14, 16. Thankfully I did have someone to literally hug me and tell me that it really was okay, which led to my coming out (for the most part). I also want to open up my own practice, and I won't overcharge people. I think there is a HUGE mental health crisis in this nation in particular that needs to be remedied. I'd like to help in any way I can.
But I very often find myself getting into a weird funk about being a big lez. I love myself. I took me a long time to get to the point where I could love myself, but I really do. But sometimes I wonder and get scared.
I'm scared that I'll never be able to find her. I'm scared that she doesn't exist, or that I'll find her too late in life. I'm scared that I don't open up my heart enough for her, so that even if I do find her, she won't know it's me, she won't know we're meant to be together. I've been hurt, really bad, and I'm over it emotionally, but I still have the "scars" to prove it so to speak. One of the scars is my reluctance to get too emotional.
I'm scared that I'll never be able to get married, when and if I do find her. We'll fall in love and live in a cozy house somewhere, and she'll have her job and I'll have mine, and we'll have a managerie of animals, but we'll never have the same rights as heterosexual couples. People will stare at us when we walk down the street holding hands. They'll never let us adopt or go through invetro, or those things will be too expensive. I fear that things just won't go our way.
I wonder if my family will accept me. I wonder if my family will accept my partner. I wonder if they'll say the cruel things about me that they do about other homosexuals, minorities, etc. I wonder if they will love me less.
I wonder if my pastor, if my church community, will accept me and will accept my partner. I am a religious person, and I love the community I have come to know. If they couldn't accept me, I don't know what I would do.
I'm just worried about all these things that I have absolutely no control over. I think the scariest aspect is that I am powerless, the people who love me and accept me are powerless. I just want everything to be okay. I can't be straight, I've tried so hard, but I just can't. I wish I felt like it was okay to be me. Usually I do, but when I get into moods like this I feel like it's never going to be okay ever again.
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