Though I've Tried...

The weekend started out wonderfully. I spent Friday doing laundry, watching Indiana Jones and napping (I never nap! It was fabulous!). On Saturday my mother and Naveen came up to school to visit us and to celebrate my acceptance to the study abroad program and Naveen's visa extension.

NAVEEN'S VISA WAS EXTENDED! How awesome is that?? Everyone is super happy about it and I couldn't be more glad.

We went out to the macaroni grill for linner, and then we went to a Boston Blazers (MLL) game at the garden (they won!) and proceeded to check ourselves in to the courtyard marriot. The beds were so comfortable and it was probably the best sleep I've had in a very long time. Needless to say, it ranks in the top of the best weekends ever (the weekend of Tegan and Sara is number 1).

We got back to campus today and did homework, etc. until a GSA meeting at 9 pm.

As Hillary and I were entering my dorm, where the meeting was being held, a girl (a former very good friend of mine) burst out of the front doors, weeping bitterly. She was on the phone with her mother and I went to open the door for Hillary when I heard the words "Mom, one of my friends just hung himself."

Why do people do such senseless things? Don't they know that there are people who love and care about them? Don't they know there is help for them?

I held this girl in the snow and the wind while she sobbed into my shoulder. I moved her into the lounge while Hillary made sure we weren't interrupted by club members filing down to the meeting. She kept sobbing and wondering and repeating "Oh God." I've never had a friend commit suicide before, and I don't think I'd be able to handle it it ever happened.

Tears were streaming down my face as I walked her up to her room and made sure her roommate was there to take care of her. Luckily we had a snow day today, or perhaps not so luckily, since she won't be able to have her mind taken off of the present events.

I went down to lead the GSA meeting but I quickly found myself unable. I got up at the beginning of the meeting, walked out of the doors, walked down the hall to my room, opened the door and burst into tears. Hillary was there to catch me and hold me and tell me it was okay. She thought I knew this kid too, why else would I be so upset?

I was upset because people shouldn't hurt themselves, in any way. Why do people have to take their own lives? Don't they see how much it hurts the people who love them? Why do people have to be sad? Can't everyone just be happy to be alive, be thankful for every moment, good or bad?

I was crying because I can't save everyone, no matter how hard I try.