Saturday, August 2, 2008

Everything We Have

I consider myself an animal lover. There were always animals in our home from the time I was born until the present. When I was an infant until around the time that my father died (when I was eight) we had two cats: Kashi (a beautiful white with orange markings, the only word coming to mind to describe her being simply elegant) and Ducky (a Himalayan type cat who was in shows but had been dumped on the highway. My parents rescued her and she never left my father's side, dying a within a week of him). We took in my grandmothers black cat Ashley when grandma couldn't keep her anymore. Grandma had two cats for as long as I could remember Ashley (a total bitch if you ask me) and Eli (the sweetest cat you ever met). Kashi and Ducky didn't last long after my father died, but unfortunately Ashley did.

When I was five or so we adopted a rotteweiler named Cody from the human society, but he had to be taken back within a month or so because he bit my face. He was a real trip. We went back to give a dog another try and found Candy, the greatest dog you could ever ask for.

When my father was alive I also had a hamster named Rex and a Guinea Pig named Johnny (after a boy named Johnny France who I did karate with when I was younger). Johnny and Candy were the last animals to go who had been around when my father was alive. I was absolutely devastated when Candy died two days before my sixteenth birthday.

When we had just Ashley, Candy and Johnny we started adopting cats. First was Baby (an adorable black and white kitten) and Precious (an older stray cat who adjusted alright to indoor living). Then was Little Boy, the only male cat we've ever had and will probably ever have because he is a brute. Then Plato, a kitten with double paws who we stumbled upon at the vet. Then Suzy, a beautiful calico cat who needed a home after her owner passed away. Suzy unfortunately never adjusted to living in a home with multiple animals and lived basically in solitary confinement for the majority of the rest of her life. When she was dying a stayed home from school to hold her until she slipped away, it was one of the saddest but gentlest acts of my life.

Then we found Kitty, a blind kitten whose mother had been killed by a car and who was the only member of her litter to survive. Kitty was very small, with clear neurological problems. She is mostly grey, with white arms and legs and a white mask on her face. She is a beautiful cat, and she is all mine. She had a cute pink nose and pink pads on her feet. She can be tempermental but I know she loves me all the same. None of the other cats bonded with me the way that Kitty did.

We also adopted Buns, an orange haired rabbit who has become a fast friend of mine. My friends gave me a dwarf rabbit for my sixteenth birthday (to take my mind off of Candy's death) who I named Russel, but who never bonded with me the way that Buns did.

When I was in the eighth grade we adopted a puppy, who I named... Puppy (I'm so clever, I know) to give Candy back some of the spunk she was loosing in her old age. It worked completely, but Puppy could never take Candy's place as my best friend. Candy was also pretty motherly to me, herding me around, making sure I stayed out of trouble, but she was never motherly to Puppy. Puppy was always just kind of a nuisance to Candy (and to everyone else for that matter).

We still have Puppy, Kitty, Plato, Buns, Russel, Little Boy, Baby and Precious, and we will have all of them until it's their time. When Kitty dies I will have a broken heart for a VERY long time. But let's not think about that.

I started this entry to talk about my love of animals.

We have a pool, and with pools come creatures who like to swim or who are thirsty. Over the years we've had baby birds, baby rabbits, mice, and thousands and thousands of frogs. We've saved most, and we've cried over those who were beyond saving.

Yesterday my mother was cleaning out the basket in the skimmer and happened upon a terrible sight: a dead frog. She showed it to me and I saw her lip quiver and tears begin to well up. In the basket was a frog, not moving, but with eyes wide.

"Mom, he's alive"
"No, he's dead Rachel."
"Mom! He's alive, give him to me," so I reached in the basket and picked up the limp frog. It spat up some pale green water and looked at me. I took it in both hands, to prevent it from hopping out suddenly, and laid down on the grass to let it go under our azaelea bush.

But it wouldn't hop out of my hands. I was afraid its legs were broken, so I gave it a few little nudges. When I put it down on the grass it only backed up a little to sit on my hands. At one point it turned itself around to look at me.

I believe in karma. I believe everything has a place in the universe, even the smallest frog, or even the tallest tree. Throw that frog out with the leaves and the rubbish and life will do the same to you. Cut that tree down and life will cut you down.

That frog was thanking me, no matter what anyone says, it was thanking me. I sat with it for about 20 minutes probably, just talking to it, assuring it that I wasn't going to hurt it and that I was going to do everything I could to make sure it didn't get hurt. I wasn't going to cage it up so it would be safe forever in my care, that's not the way nature works.

My cats/rabbits/dogs would die if they were left to their own devices. This little frog got a second chance, and I hope wherever he is he is happy, healthy, and enjoying the opportunity he has. Life is a great gift, no matter in what capacity it is granted.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Tell Me More, Tell Me More

Summer could not possibly go by any slower. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time.
So far this summer I've been to the Cape twice, I've been to Disney World, I've turned 19, I've been to Vermont, I've visited my friends at school (just the other day actually), I saw the True Colors concert in Boston, and I've had some pretty fabulous times with the people I love.

I'd say it's been a successful summer.

I'm also going to see Celine Dion in Boston on August 13. I ADORE Celine.

I hate wishing my life away, but I cannot even wait for September 1, which is move in day at school.

I know I'll probably hate my life on September 2 when I have to be at class at 10:30 (and then I'm basically in class until 3:15, but last semester I had three classes in a row from 12 until 4:45 on Mondays and Wednesdays, so I think I can handle 10:30, then an hour break, then two classes in a row) but nothing compares to the freedom of college.

Nothing holding you back, no ties anywhere in particular. You visit your family and friends, and maybe you live there most of the time, but you're in college, nothing is forcing you to stay at home.

You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and no one is going to tell you not to (unless it's illegal of course). I can wake up with another person in my bed and not worry that my mother is going to have a coniption. I can nurse a hangover for a day and not worry about getting caught.

I LIVE with my friends, I LEARN with my friends. I learn A LOT, not just what I find in the text books I paid $500 for, but also what I learn on a daily basis by interacting with new people and experiencing new things.

College is just such an amazing time, I wish everyone got the chance to experience it.

I can't wait to get back to life on September 1.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Massachusetts, You're My Home

Did I mention that I love Massachusetts? My entire family lived in MA for most of my life (well, I have four aunts and an uncle, three aunts and my uncle all lived in MA when I was younger, one aunt lived in California and now lives in New Hampshire) and we visted them frequently.

I'm familiar with the Cape area, because that's where my family lived. We would visit my grandma, cousins, aunts, uncles, extended family members, etc. etc. and it would always be a great time.
The family has since drifted, and drifted apart in many ways besides distance. Such is life I suppose. All the cousins are growing up, moving on, and the family is slowly becoming disconnected.
But family is family and blood is blood and we will always be there for each other.

But this isn't a story about my family, it's a story about the great state of Massachusetts: where I spent many weekends in my formative years, where most of my memories reside, where I am getting my higher education, where I plan on living, and also where a little place called Provincetown in situated.
I blogged about Provincetown after my first trip out there in June, and about how amazingly fantastically awesomely fabulous it is. Well, it's still fabulous.
I was out there with four of my straight gal friends (who I went to high school with) from Sunday to Tuesday and we could not have had more fun.

We stayed at the Days Inn in Hyannis, which is about an hour out of Ptown, but the ride gave us time to catch up, sing songs, get reaquainted, things of that nature. And we stayed in one room. Five girls, in one room. Talk about getting reaquainted.

We got in on Sunday night, and proceeded to bounce on the beds like animals.

That's my best friend flying through the air, and me being glad I'm safely on the ground.

We spent a lot of time at the beach, swimming and being generally ridiculous.

Provincetown, home to awesomeness and silly t-shirts. And by nobody, I mean everybody.
We had such a great time!!
We can't wait to go back to Ptown. I've even got plans to move out there and open up my own business, as soon as I figure out what the heck I want to sell. But really, Ptown is one of my favorite places and if you haven't been, you should definetly check it out. No matter what orientation you are, where you're from, what you like to do in your free time, there is something for you in Provincetown.
Massachusetts, you're my home!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Spontaneous Combustion?

It was another incredibly hot day. Since we are the proud owners of a crystal clear in-ground pool, we came up with the wonderful idea to go for a dip. I let the dog outside, because she LOVES swimming like no other dog I've ever met in my life that wasn't a lab or a newfie.

My dog, who's name is Puppy and who is my best bud, is absolutely terrified of the upright umbrella that we have to shade the glass table out by the pool. It's big, it swivles around, it makes creaky noises, and I routinely go over and pretend that it's attacking me whenever I have the dog in the pool with me. I'm a great friend, I know.

So the poor dog already is terrified of the umbrella. Whilst we were swimming around in the pool, having a nice conversation, the sky begins to turn from bright blue to a foreboeding grey. There is definetly a storm coming.

But we're hot, and we don't care, so we continue swimming, even though the wind has picked up considerably and the dog is spazzing because there are leaves flying everywhere and good old umbrella is doing it's thang.

My back is turned to the table/umbrella, and my mother is facing me. Then her jaw drops wide open and she gasps. "What?!" I ask, panicked, and I spin around in my green tube just in time to see that the umbrella has come undone from the base on the ground and it hovering in mid air. A strong wind gushes and the umbrella swings to the side, putting pressure on the glass.

The glass that shatters into millions of tiny little pieces. It was like slow motion, there was a snapping sound and then it was like dozens of light bulbs being smashed. The glass rained down on the ground, flying in every direction. My mother and I were completely shocked, gazing at the mess for several minutes in awe before we spoke.

And then I remembered that the dog was out, and she didn't have shoes on. And then I remembered that the dog is terrified of the umbrella. It made me laugh out loud, to be honest, because how freakin traumatic must that have been for the poor dog. She's hot, she just wants to go for a swim, and then her worst nightmares come true and the umbrella finally breaks free of its confines, sending glass flying in all directions.

I turn around only to find the dog cowering behind me, with her little cropped tail tucked tightly behind her and her ears plastered to her face. Her eyes are wide open and her body is low to the ground, like someone is coming at her with a giant, talking rolled up newspaper.

She buried herself in my chest and I gave her hug. People say dogs don't like being hugged but I've had two dogs in my life and both of them adored it when I hugged them. I told her it was alright, that the umbrella wasn't going to get her, and then I motioned for her to go inside.

So she ran up along the fence, never taking her eyes off of the fallen umbrella, and she gladly went inside.

The poor dog is probably traumatized for life and will probably never want to be anywhere near the pool, particularly the umbrella, ever again.

It took us probably half an hour and a big bucket/vacuum to clean up all of the glass, and by then the sun was out again and it was blisteringly hot.

Oh mother nature, you're such a tease.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Hilarity

I lead a pretty interesting life. Well, it has it's moments in any event. For one thing, I am currently unemployed so I don't have any workplace drama to entertain me. Thank you God, You have certainly blessed me.

I also am not exactly in the dating scene. Not by choice so much as I have no clue where it is. When I find it I'll let you know. Until then, I'm pretty content with my life the way it is, uninterruted by a prospective love-interest. Perhaps when I stop considering prospective love-interested to be interruptions in my life then I will be in the dating scene. I'm in no rush to find her, when she's there she's there and we'll know it and it will be magical and fireworks and flowers and puppies and all that. Yeah. Perfect.

Back to my original story though. So I am out to all of my friends, EXCEPT for one of my three very best friends in the entire world. Truth be told I didn't come out to any of them, I was more or less outed. The first one wasn't at all phased, and it was excellent. I got the butterflies and all that when I found out that she knew.

And then I was outed to my best best best friend in the whole world. She was VERY shocked, but she was also relieved that I was (and still am) happy. I clearly did not have the balls to tell any of them.

So I was going through the motions, pretending that I was neither interested in men nor interested in women around my third best friend.

That was until the other night. There was a carnival in town so two of my friends and I went down to ride the rides and be generally awesome. The carnival sucked, it had three rides that spun around and gave the onlookers more motion sickness than the rider, no doubt. It was a veritable death trap, and I was stuck holding the bags because I refused to put my life into the hands of people who looked like they hadn't bathed since exiting the womb.

So after over an hour of doing the carnival thing, saying hi to people who we graduated with, the siblings of friends, the parents of friends, etc etc. we exited the park for bigger and better things: Dairy Queen. By this time there were four of us, one of whom is one of my best friends.

We piled into my SAAB and drove out to the Dairy Queen for frozen goodness, as it was incredibly hot that evening. The line was about a year long, so we settled in for the long haul. I called my two other best friends to get them to meet us there. As we were standing in line, a friend from high school showed up.

She's pretty awesome, not gonna lie. She's been out forever, she does her own thing, and I definetly aspire to be like her in several ways. We never hung out in high school, but we knew each other, have mutual friends, etc. same old song and dance ya know.

Well as soon as she pulled in my friend Rob flagged her down and we got to chatting. Rob immediately proclaimed to the poor girl that I was a lesbian.

"You finally came out huh?" she asked.

"Yea! Nice of you to tell me I was gay in high school!! That would have made things LOTS easier!" and we joked around for a while and stuff. It really was a good time.

And then my friend who didn't know showed up, and there could be no more of that. We couldn't talk about it, we couldn't allude to it, we couldn't even think about it.

By the time we moved over the a chinese food parking lot so we could all sit down and chat, there were eight of us.

We all sat down, some of us smoked, we all talked and shot to breeze for in the neighborhood of 4 hours. The gays were on one side and the breeders were on the other, it was actually pretty funny. I kept floating amongst them.

At one point my friend Rob went down the line asking about every single person's sexual orientation. Because he's a jerk and LOVES to see me squirm.

I shrugged off the question.

And then it happened.

"Rachel, I KNOW!" she said. My best friend, who was not supposed to know until I got the balls to tell her. She knew, she's known.

"WHAT?" Everyone gasped, my mouth hung wide open.

"I've known for months." I was so shocked. I couldn't even begin to explain my shock.

And then it became the funniest thing that ever happened. We were all in stitches laughing our asses off.

I'm still laughing.

And that, boys and girls, is the story of how I came out to all of the people I hold dear :-)

If These Walls Could Talk

It's really late but I just watched an awesome movie on the youtubes called "If These Walls Could Talk 2." Lots of lesbian love, drama, issues, all of the best.

I literally... literally... wept during the 1961 part when Edith died. Absolutely wept. I haven't cried so hard since I watched the eulogy my father videotaped before he passed away. Literally. I can't even imagine that kind of pain, not being able to be with the person you love and care about the most in the world when they are living their final moments. And no one even has to consideration to tell her. And the world hasn't even changed that much!! It's a terrifying thought.

I'm really exhausted but I needed to write this down before I go into a coma and forget all about how truly amazing this movie is.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Fiah

It's sooooo hot outside. No lie.


But I don't really care for air conditioned bliss. I'd rather suffer in the heat, and aggrevate the situation furthermore by doing copious amounts of yardwork when the sun is at its peak.

Mmmhmm.

My friend from school came to visit last weekend and it was a great time. She got to meet all my friends from home and see that there is a reason for my blatent crudeness and lack of sanity. Then we went to our mutual friend from school's softball tournament.

My mother handed us sunscreen as we walked out the door.

We never used the sunscreen.

My forehead is peeling. I look kinda like snake-girl.

Our friend lost three out of four of her tournament games, I believe. We only saw two of them, and they won one of those. It was a great time really. Lots of baby dykes. Lots of fun.

Am I allowed to refer to them as baby dykes even though I am kinda sorta one of them? Hmmm, this will require some thought.

Speaking of baby dykes, my very best friends in the whole world and I are going to Ptown Sunday-Tuesday this coming week. I really can't even wait. They don't seem especially excited, but I think they are. They will be anyway, cause Ptown is a great time for all.

Right now I'm listening to Holiday Road by Lindsey Buckinham, from National Lampoon's Vacation. Yeah, pure awesome, I know.

I haven't had much to say lately, and I haven't had a real lot of free time. I need to seek out some inspiration.

And I can't wait for September 1, woot woot. School starts, life goes back to normal. Can't wait.