Spontaneous Combustion?

It was another incredibly hot day. Since we are the proud owners of a crystal clear in-ground pool, we came up with the wonderful idea to go for a dip. I let the dog outside, because she LOVES swimming like no other dog I've ever met in my life that wasn't a lab or a newfie.

My dog, who's name is Puppy and who is my best bud, is absolutely terrified of the upright umbrella that we have to shade the glass table out by the pool. It's big, it swivles around, it makes creaky noises, and I routinely go over and pretend that it's attacking me whenever I have the dog in the pool with me. I'm a great friend, I know.

So the poor dog already is terrified of the umbrella. Whilst we were swimming around in the pool, having a nice conversation, the sky begins to turn from bright blue to a foreboeding grey. There is definetly a storm coming.

But we're hot, and we don't care, so we continue swimming, even though the wind has picked up considerably and the dog is spazzing because there are leaves flying everywhere and good old umbrella is doing it's thang.

My back is turned to the table/umbrella, and my mother is facing me. Then her jaw drops wide open and she gasps. "What?!" I ask, panicked, and I spin around in my green tube just in time to see that the umbrella has come undone from the base on the ground and it hovering in mid air. A strong wind gushes and the umbrella swings to the side, putting pressure on the glass.

The glass that shatters into millions of tiny little pieces. It was like slow motion, there was a snapping sound and then it was like dozens of light bulbs being smashed. The glass rained down on the ground, flying in every direction. My mother and I were completely shocked, gazing at the mess for several minutes in awe before we spoke.

And then I remembered that the dog was out, and she didn't have shoes on. And then I remembered that the dog is terrified of the umbrella. It made me laugh out loud, to be honest, because how freakin traumatic must that have been for the poor dog. She's hot, she just wants to go for a swim, and then her worst nightmares come true and the umbrella finally breaks free of its confines, sending glass flying in all directions.

I turn around only to find the dog cowering behind me, with her little cropped tail tucked tightly behind her and her ears plastered to her face. Her eyes are wide open and her body is low to the ground, like someone is coming at her with a giant, talking rolled up newspaper.

She buried herself in my chest and I gave her hug. People say dogs don't like being hugged but I've had two dogs in my life and both of them adored it when I hugged them. I told her it was alright, that the umbrella wasn't going to get her, and then I motioned for her to go inside.

So she ran up along the fence, never taking her eyes off of the fallen umbrella, and she gladly went inside.

The poor dog is probably traumatized for life and will probably never want to be anywhere near the pool, particularly the umbrella, ever again.

It took us probably half an hour and a big bucket/vacuum to clean up all of the glass, and by then the sun was out again and it was blisteringly hot.

Oh mother nature, you're such a tease.

Hilarity

I lead a pretty interesting life. Well, it has it's moments in any event. For one thing, I am currently unemployed so I don't have any workplace drama to entertain me. Thank you God, You have certainly blessed me.

I also am not exactly in the dating scene. Not by choice so much as I have no clue where it is. When I find it I'll let you know. Until then, I'm pretty content with my life the way it is, uninterruted by a prospective love-interest. Perhaps when I stop considering prospective love-interested to be interruptions in my life then I will be in the dating scene. I'm in no rush to find her, when she's there she's there and we'll know it and it will be magical and fireworks and flowers and puppies and all that. Yeah. Perfect.

Back to my original story though. So I am out to all of my friends, EXCEPT for one of my three very best friends in the entire world. Truth be told I didn't come out to any of them, I was more or less outed. The first one wasn't at all phased, and it was excellent. I got the butterflies and all that when I found out that she knew.

And then I was outed to my best best best friend in the whole world. She was VERY shocked, but she was also relieved that I was (and still am) happy. I clearly did not have the balls to tell any of them.

So I was going through the motions, pretending that I was neither interested in men nor interested in women around my third best friend.

That was until the other night. There was a carnival in town so two of my friends and I went down to ride the rides and be generally awesome. The carnival sucked, it had three rides that spun around and gave the onlookers more motion sickness than the rider, no doubt. It was a veritable death trap, and I was stuck holding the bags because I refused to put my life into the hands of people who looked like they hadn't bathed since exiting the womb.

So after over an hour of doing the carnival thing, saying hi to people who we graduated with, the siblings of friends, the parents of friends, etc etc. we exited the park for bigger and better things: Dairy Queen. By this time there were four of us, one of whom is one of my best friends.

We piled into my SAAB and drove out to the Dairy Queen for frozen goodness, as it was incredibly hot that evening. The line was about a year long, so we settled in for the long haul. I called my two other best friends to get them to meet us there. As we were standing in line, a friend from high school showed up.

She's pretty awesome, not gonna lie. She's been out forever, she does her own thing, and I definetly aspire to be like her in several ways. We never hung out in high school, but we knew each other, have mutual friends, etc. same old song and dance ya know.

Well as soon as she pulled in my friend Rob flagged her down and we got to chatting. Rob immediately proclaimed to the poor girl that I was a lesbian.

"You finally came out huh?" she asked.

"Yea! Nice of you to tell me I was gay in high school!! That would have made things LOTS easier!" and we joked around for a while and stuff. It really was a good time.

And then my friend who didn't know showed up, and there could be no more of that. We couldn't talk about it, we couldn't allude to it, we couldn't even think about it.

By the time we moved over the a chinese food parking lot so we could all sit down and chat, there were eight of us.

We all sat down, some of us smoked, we all talked and shot to breeze for in the neighborhood of 4 hours. The gays were on one side and the breeders were on the other, it was actually pretty funny. I kept floating amongst them.

At one point my friend Rob went down the line asking about every single person's sexual orientation. Because he's a jerk and LOVES to see me squirm.

I shrugged off the question.

And then it happened.

"Rachel, I KNOW!" she said. My best friend, who was not supposed to know until I got the balls to tell her. She knew, she's known.

"WHAT?" Everyone gasped, my mouth hung wide open.

"I've known for months." I was so shocked. I couldn't even begin to explain my shock.

And then it became the funniest thing that ever happened. We were all in stitches laughing our asses off.

I'm still laughing.

And that, boys and girls, is the story of how I came out to all of the people I hold dear :-)

If These Walls Could Talk

It's really late but I just watched an awesome movie on the youtubes called "If These Walls Could Talk 2." Lots of lesbian love, drama, issues, all of the best.

I literally... literally... wept during the 1961 part when Edith died. Absolutely wept. I haven't cried so hard since I watched the eulogy my father videotaped before he passed away. Literally. I can't even imagine that kind of pain, not being able to be with the person you love and care about the most in the world when they are living their final moments. And no one even has to consideration to tell her. And the world hasn't even changed that much!! It's a terrifying thought.

I'm really exhausted but I needed to write this down before I go into a coma and forget all about how truly amazing this movie is.

Fiah

It's sooooo hot outside. No lie.


But I don't really care for air conditioned bliss. I'd rather suffer in the heat, and aggrevate the situation furthermore by doing copious amounts of yardwork when the sun is at its peak.

Mmmhmm.

My friend from school came to visit last weekend and it was a great time. She got to meet all my friends from home and see that there is a reason for my blatent crudeness and lack of sanity. Then we went to our mutual friend from school's softball tournament.

My mother handed us sunscreen as we walked out the door.

We never used the sunscreen.

My forehead is peeling. I look kinda like snake-girl.

Our friend lost three out of four of her tournament games, I believe. We only saw two of them, and they won one of those. It was a great time really. Lots of baby dykes. Lots of fun.

Am I allowed to refer to them as baby dykes even though I am kinda sorta one of them? Hmmm, this will require some thought.

Speaking of baby dykes, my very best friends in the whole world and I are going to Ptown Sunday-Tuesday this coming week. I really can't even wait. They don't seem especially excited, but I think they are. They will be anyway, cause Ptown is a great time for all.

Right now I'm listening to Holiday Road by Lindsey Buckinham, from National Lampoon's Vacation. Yeah, pure awesome, I know.

I haven't had much to say lately, and I haven't had a real lot of free time. I need to seek out some inspiration.

And I can't wait for September 1, woot woot. School starts, life goes back to normal. Can't wait.

Why Can't I?

I want someone to tell me why I can't man up and tell my mom that I'm gay. I've searched my heart and soul for the answer, and I think it's because I'm afraid she won't love me anymore, or the love will change, but I'm not sure. I think she'd be okay with it, at least with a little chance to get over any initial shock.

It's me, it's who I am. But it doesn't control me and my life. I have the same friends I had when I was a fifth grader. I have new friends, yes, some very recent ones, but I don't choose my friends based on my sexuality. I don't choose to work or not work because I'm gay. Being gay has so little to do with my day to day life. Even when I'm in a relationship it has very little to do with my life because a relationship is a relationship. A straight woman wouldn't wake up next to her male partner and think to herself "hmm.. I'm really straight."

It just is. It's just a part of my life. Maybe I can't tell her because I know that, as a huge part of her life, this little fact of my life would play a part in her life. And I don't want to disrupt her life.

I wish I didn't have to come out to her. Maybe I won't for a really long time. Maybe I never will. I wouldn't be able to handle it if my mother couldn't accept me.

I wish I could just be straight. And find a nice guy who could make me happy and I could make him happy and we could grow old and play bingo on Sundays in the nursing home. Then everyone would be happy.

Except for me. Which is why I am gay, and out, and proud of who I am. I am happy. I am so happy. And for the first time in my life (well 2 years ago... back when I first admitted to myself that I was gay) I have a much better image of who I am and who I am going to be.

I'm happy. Parents are supposed to want the happiness of their children.

I have to tell her. But I'm scared.

God Bless America!

Woohoo it's the fourth of July in the wonderful world of America. Pass the sparklers and the hot dogs and let's celebrate some freedom from tyranny.

Well, in the perfect world, in the perfect neighbourhood, in the perfect backyard, in the perfect family, that is exactly how it would go down.

Actually it goes a little something like this.

The colonies refused British rule for one reason and one reason only: it wasn't in their best interest financially. To be honest, it wasn't in their best interest financially to all become one country. The state system has worked out surprisingly well (one might argue until the recent past when states were no longer known by their name, capitol and state bird but by the "red state blue state" phenomenon) and will in all likelihood work out for years to come. The only time I ever heard talk of revolution was in a study hall in high school from someone who saw the hammer and sickle I had drawn on my notebook. Ah to be a young socialist. I'm still a young socialist, but I'm practical and peaceful enough to know that toting guns and filling peoples' heads with the ideas of men who lived 100, even 200 years ago is simply asking for trouble. I own and read the manifesto, in fact it's one of my favourite pieces of literature, but it could use some updating.

So, the 13 colonies became 1 brand spanking new country. If problems could be converted to gasoline we would still be running on the 'problems' of our fore fathers. But we made it, and we're here now, after a long and tumoltuous journey through time. We're still a very young country, and we have very much to learn (as does the rest of the world).

Call me a typical American but I think we're the best country in the world, with the best people in the world. I love this country with all my heart. If someone disrespects this country and these amazing people I'd be the first to correct their mistake. And I'm proud to be an American.

In this country.

When I travel abroad I tell people I'm from Canada. I learned that the hard way. People are not at all friendly to Americans. So, when I'm visiting Ireland I am from St. John's, Newfoundland Canada. I think the winters are horrendous but I do enjoy the fresh cod in the spring mm mm mm. The regatta sailing ferstival is simply the best on the East Coast eh?

They'd never know I was born and raised in Connecticut, in the United States, nowhere near the water and nowhere near Canada.

But I do love this country. I hate the way it is treated and the way our people are talked about, like we're monsters. There are monsters everywhere in this world, it's not unique to Americans. We didn't all elect George Bush, and I can guarentee that 95% of us are completely sorry for every remark that leaves his big fat mouth.

As an American I apologize for our dumbass leader. As an American I say, God bless America, the country where anything was possibly for my ancestors. You welcomed them in when their homelands had nothing left to offer. I am eternally grateful to this great country, and all it has to offer. God bless America indeed, and may all Her people live in peace and harmony with the rest of the world in the VERY near future.

Rabbit Rabbit

Happy first day of Joo lie!

In the second grade Mrs. Garger told us that the first thing you should say when you wake up on the first day of the month is "rabbit rabbit." That way you'll have a spectacular month. I try to have it be the first thing I say, or at least one of the first things I say. All in all the months have varied between abbhorent and fabulous between the ages of 7 and 19.

So I'm thinking about book ideas, about stuff to write about, and I think I'm on to something.

I think I'm going to write about a completely normal college student, perfectly harmless, well on her way to getting her degree, a steady job, and a pretty little family. And then suddenly strange things start happening on her campus. Things disappear, increasing in importance as the book progresses. And then people start to disappear. And then people turn up dead.

No one suspects the completely normal college student. And then she graduates, finds a steady job, starts to raise a pretty little family, and everything goes back to the way it was.

I'm still working out the kinks. Basically it's a murder mystery/psychological thriller.

I want to write something to wake people the hell up. There is something seriously wrong with the mental health of the young people in this world, particularly in this country. I'm only 19, I can't counsel people illegally and I don't know enough to do it effectively, but some day I want to help make things better for the mentally ill.

That's why I'm an English/psychology double major.